Everyone has a Story

     Have you ever looked into a strangers eyes and wondered about their life? Their experiences, where they’ve been, where they’re going? Maybe it’s just me. I tend to be empathic.  Pain, trauma, love, life, loss. Do we truly see others around us? Do we see past the small snippets of time we see of their lives?

                 Do we truly see others around us?

In a world full of people who often act ambivalent and unkind, it is so important to be the kind of person that can look someone in the eye, smile, and SEE them.  It’s interesting how age never dulls the sting of careless words. Costco, oh Costco. How I have a love/hate relationship with you. I lapped around the packed parking lot several times and finally found a prized spot, for me, next to a cart drop off. I nonchalantly got out of my vehicle, lost in thought, I was going over my list in my head. Stick to the list girl!
     Not 5ft from my car and I hear words. Words spoken about me, at me, intentionally loud enough for me to hear.  A male voice who emphatically said, “damn, look at that girl! She’s huge!”.
I turned around to see a middle age man with his wife/girlfriend spin quickly around and immediately start packing up groceries.
     Fool, I know I am fat. I am 300 lbs, the heaviest I have been in my life.  Body image and feeling beautiful is something I have struggled with my whole life. Even when I was a 5’7” 135lb size 9.  I weighed a thin, healthy 125lbs in high school and my mom made me go on diets with her.  The beet diet, the hospital cardiac veggie soup diet. I was young, athletic, fit and so busy with school my body handled to odd dieting without a problem.
     College. Oh, college and boys. I barely ate in college and took a lot of vitamins so I didn’t really get sick. I was on the lacrosse team so I ran. I ran at practice and I ran outside of practice.  I was a healthy thin but it felt really good to go from jeans being tight to loose. I was going through cycles where I starved myself and then binged on food. Ok, really, binge for me was normal eating and indulging in beloved foods like pizza with ranch to dip it in. Ok, yeah alcohol too. Over the span of my college years I completely wrecked my metabolism.
     Many physical and emotional traumas, loss, SO many losses, high cortisol levels from constant stress,  surgeries, health difficulties and here I am.  Not that any of that knowledge would have bothered that guy.  I am a  43 year old, 300lb woman flung back into times of feeling that my worth, being loved, being SEEN was tied to my weight.  Not gonna lie. It hurts damn it! It hurt at 16, it hurt at 20, and it hurts now.

I am a  43 year old, 300lb woman flung back into times of feeling that my worth, being loved, being SEEN was tied to my weight.

     I hate my weight. Sometimes, I hate my body. A few days after Costco I started trying to measure out amounts and count calories in precise numbers. Seductively drawing me back into the disordered eating of my past. No. No! Not going there again.  I have done some heavy thinking these last couple of weeks.   Fatness, being morbidly obese, makes you feel invisible.  In many ways, it makes you feel safe, insulating you from outside hurts. You feel you can control the world around you by controlling who can get close to you. So when that invisibility and control and safety is penetrated by a middle age jerk it snaps you out of your cozy bubble back into the real world.

     See the people around you. Smile at strangers. Ask the checker at Walmart how their day is going an mean it.  Pray for that woman exasperated by a screaming toddler. And for heaven’s sake, if you have nothing nice to say keep your mouth closed. Let me leave you with some passages of a lovely book and a recently discovered prayer that we should all say daily. God give you peace on your journey. 

All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten
by Robert Fulghum
All I really need to know I learned in kindergarten.
ALL I REALLY NEED TO KNOW about how to live and what to do and how to be I learned in kindergarten. Wisdom was not
at the top of the graduate-school mountain, but there in the sandpile at Sunday School. These are the things I learned:
Share everything.
Play fair.
Don't hit people.
Put things back where you found them. Clean up your own mess.
Don't take things that aren't yours.
Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody. Wash your hands before you eat.
Flush.
Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.
Live a balanced life - learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some.
Take a nap every afternoon.
When you go out into the world, watch out for traffic, hold hands, and stick together.
Be aware of wonder.
Remember the little seed in the styrofoam cup:
The roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or why, but we are all like that. Goldfish and hamsters and white mice and even
the little seed in the Styrofoam cup - they all die.
So do we.
And then remember the Dick-and-Jane books and the first word you learned - the biggest word of all - LOOK.
Everything you need to know is in there somewhere. The Golden Rule and love and basic sanitation. Ecology and politics and equality and sane living.
Take any of those items and extrapolate it into sophisticated adult terms and apply it to your

family life or your work or your government or
your world and it holds true and clear and firm.
Think what a better world it would be if
all - the whole world - had cookies and milk about three o'clock every afternoon and then lay down with our blankies for a nap. Or if all governments
had a basic policy to always put thing back where they found them and to clean up their own mess.
And it is still true, no matter how old you
are - when you go out into the world, it is best to hold hands and stick together.
© Robert Fulghum, 1990.
Found in Robert Fulghum, All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten Villard Books: New York, 1990, page 6-7.

(St. Faustina’s Prayer to be Merciful)

Help me, O Lord, that my eyes may be merciful, so that I may never suspect or judge from appearances, but look for what is beautiful in my neighbour's souls and come to their rescue.

Help me, that my ears may be merciful, so that I may give heed to my neighbours' needs and not be indifferent to their pains and moanings.

Help me, O Lord, that my tongue may be merciful, so that I should never speak negatively of my neighbour, but have a word of comfort and forgiveness for all.

Help me, O Lord, that my hands may be merciful and filled with good deeds, so that I may do only good to my neighbours and take upon myself the more difficult and toilsome tasks.

Help me, that my feet may be merciful, so that I may hurry to assist my neighbour overcoming my own fatigue and weariness. My true rest is in the service of my neighbour.

Help me, O Lord, that my heart may be merciful so that I myself may feel all the sufferings of my neighbour. I will refuse my heart to no one. I will be sincere even with those who, I know, will abuse my kindness. And I will lock myself up in the most merciful Heart of Jesus. I will bear my own suffering in silence. May Your mercy, O Lord, rest upon me.

Amen.

   

Why Mary Walling Blackburn is wrong

     "Sister Apple, Sister Pig" is a misguided rationalization for abortion. The story states that the "sister who is a happy ghost" was aborted and perhaps Lee's parents will have another child when they have more money and more time.  The abortion was done so it must have been in the best interest of everyone involved.  My heart was greatly disturbed by the sad attempt of the author to explain why her own "ghost sister" was rightly aborted.We human beings are masters of justification.  We can, even with great effort, talk ourselves into or out of anything.  The saddest thing about the story is 3 year old Lee's longing for his sister.  Despite his attempts to reason why his sister isn't alive, he wants her to be present.  He longs for her.  There is a piece to his family puzzle missing and he knows it.

Real Children, Real Losses

  
     Sometimes the hurt in a person's heart runs so deep and buried it cannot be readily accessed and felt till many years after an event.  Even then, when it's later felt, it can be quickly shoved back down or rationalized away.  The pain is of such a nature, that if it is not dismissed, is likely to crush the person where they stand.  The realization that they have murdered their own child is a hefty weight to bare.  They do not have ghost children, but very real children that they have lost by their own hand.  Make no mistake, the psychic distress caused by abortion is real.  Unlike what the author would want you to perceive.  Yes, I'm aware the internet is filled with women who say that abortion has done them no harm.  They speak of a feeling of relief and are often outspoken in favor of abortion.  However, the people who champion abortion the most are the ones who have been hurt by it the worst.  Initial relief is felt because the "problem" has been taken care of.
     Unlike removing a splinter from the flesh which can cause pain and infection.  The man and woman have removed a human being, not some inanimate object.  They build a fragile wall of justification, not realizing they are their own worst enemy.  The feelings of freedom and empowerment they feel will only be temporary because they will one day have to come to grips with the reality that those temporary feelings were built upon the blood of their children.  True freedom comes only when we heal, ask for forgiveness, and accept forgiveness.  True empowerment comes from admitting our wrongs and do our best to correct them.  It truly does humanity an injustice to deny just how much harm abortion really does to men and women.

     Denial About the True Face of the Abortive

     What does the face of an abortive woman or man look like?  Planned Parenthood's website estimates that 3 out of 10 women will have an abortion by the time they are 45.  The CDC estimates that roughly 45% of all abortions done in the US are repeat abortions.  Keep in mind that the number of abortions done through Planned Parenthood do not have to be reported to any governmental agency, it a voluntary report.  The numbers are much greater in all reality.  Better estimates are around 1.2 million abortions in the US every year.  The drug abuser, the prostitute, your mother, your daughter, your father, your son, your friend.  I guess you can get the picture.  Chances are we all know someone who has had or been touched by abortion, even if we don't know it.
     I will tell you in talking to many women who've had abortions, it truly is not that uncommon for women to be having their 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, or greater abortion.  Do me a favor.  Go to your mirror and look at it.  You are looking at the face of someone who's had an abortion.  Someone just like you, with your life, and yes, even your values.  The young teen who was in love and thought the best way to show it was to have sex.  Never even considering pregnancy might result or what they would do if it did.  The underage girl who was molested and now carries the child of that violent act.  The college girl date raped only to find the pain and confusion increased by facing the shock of a pregnancy and baby they never expected.  The young couple in love who knew they were going to get married and passion carried them away and into a pregnancy.  The young professional who was always so careful, but damnit, the birth control failed. The couple having an affair on their spouses, and everything was terrific until the love affair got spanked with reality when those two pink lines showed up on the test. The person who was religious and believed in being pro-life.  Until they faced an impossible circumstance and shame and fear blinded them making them see no way out.  The husband and wife who decided it just wasn't the right time, because their wasn't enough money, or their marriage is not stable.  Sometimes the husband or wife believes more children will cramp their style.
     The face of abortive men and women are those who buy into the false fantasy of choice, but in reality they choose abortion because they feel they have no choice.  Shame, fear, shock, guilt, humiliation, anger, uncertainty, perceived loss of present and future aspirations and goals, disappointing others and self, pressure from friends and family, and confusion are the choosers of abortion.  The reality is, no matter how hard the path, how desperate the situation, there is always a way out of the "impossible".  There is always a way.  There is always hope. Just remember that.   

    

 From Conception to Natural Death, All Life has Value

  
     Before the book's dedication, Blackburn says, "Masochists, look elsewhere; between these pages you will not find the “luxury of grief,”1 culpability’s sharp sting or salty guilt." 

1

Within

Man at Play

(1923) Karl Groos allocates one section to a cursory

investigation of “the luxury of grief” within European contexts. Groos describes

a bourgeois individual who draws upon distress as a form of play, aiming for a

certain “mental suffering, a feeling of suspension between pain and pleasure.”

Lee, Sister Apple, Sister Pig’s protagonist, allays the possibility of repressed

psychic distress by the active formation of an ally born of that anxiety and Lee

does this without lingering in the interstitial space between pleasure and pain.

Is there a political stratagem here...when sorrow and fear become light and

    active?

Such a try at cleverness by Blackburn, but such a thin facade that hides denial and deep seated pain and loss of the greatest degree.  What she is really saying is, do not feel.  Exist in a numb state where you don't have to subject yourself to unpleasant or trying experiences.  Pain is part of life.  It is reality.  The pain that leads people to choose abortion is real.  The pain of having an abortion is real.  There is no escaping it.  We are culpable for our actions and darn it we should be.  Guilt is a proper feeling resulting from a well formed conscience.  What is the worth of one child over the other?  If you're spouse lost their job and you were destitute, would you. like woodsman in the fairy tale Hansel and Gretel, take one or more of your children into the woods to perish?  No!  You would be called a murderer and child abuser.  If all life isn't sacred, then no life is sacred.  
     What I think it all boils down to is how the man or woman who has chosen to abort their child views the value of their own life.  Does their own life hold infinite value?  Do they truly believed they are loved, beloved, and sacred?  Are they unashamedly believers in the love God has for us poor sinners as we are?  The answer is no.  If they do not see the value in their own personhood, they will be able to lessen the value of that baby they carry.  And isn't it easy when you can 't visibly perceive the life inside you.  You can't see, feel, or hold that life.  It's easy to call something by another name to ease our minds.
      Pro-life as well as Pro-choice individuals are very aware of the film Silent Scream.  In abortion, a woman's body is violated in an incredible violent act.  The silent scream of their unborn baby as their life is terminated.  I tell you now, that pain is only rivaled by that in the mother's heart and father's soul.  Often that pain is silenced out of self-preservation.  This only allows us to exist in this life.  It doesn't allow us to thrive.  Being pro-life isn't just about preserving the baby's life, it's about uplifting the mother and father's lives.  We are ALL precious in God's eyes.  Saying yes to life, often means tremendous suffering.  We can't sugar coat or deny that.  But how can you help a teen who is pregnant and does not have the support of her parents, boyfriend, or friends?  How do we support, guide, and help her in her sufferings and difficulties?  What does it mean for the abortion clinic worker who's had a conversion and leaves behind their long held identity, friends, and livelihood?  What does it mean for all the other men and women in impossibly difficult circumstances?  It means we have to continue to up our game and spread the word that life, all life is sacred.  We have to acknowledge that we must be ready to love willing those men and women who've had or encouraged others to have abortions.  We must pray for them.  We must breathe life and light into their souls.  Each of us has unique talents and gifts.  We are challenged to use those gifts not only save lives, but to help hurting men and women know that no matter the circumstances, they are supported, loved and have hope for the future.  Make no mistake, evil is present in this world.  Satan fights tooth and nail to trap us all in our own sinfulness.

 “I willingly believe that the damned are, in one sense, successful, rebels to the end; that the doors of hell are locked on the inside." C S Lewis
     Changing hearts changes minds. Which in turn, changes lives.  If Christ can say from the cross, "forgive them Father, for they know not what they do", can we do less?  This is not to deny the grave nature of the sin of abortion.  It is simply bringing the light of Christ into one of the darkest moments a person can experience.  I know this is a lot to digest and I am going to write a few more articles surrounding this painful topic.  I just want to leave you with some links to resources if you know someone who is suffering because of abortion.  The first is Ramah International. 
The second is Rachel's Vineyard.   God bless you on this journey.

I've just have average kids

     Pressure.  Oh the pressure of excelling.  This is one of those blogs postings where I'm really just thinking out loud.  I mean, you all want to know what random thoughts my mind processes. Right?   I fall into the trap just as easily as the next person.  It's not just the pressure to excel at one thing, it's the pressure to excel in everything.  It's the idea that in order to be well rounded individuals and be successful adults, our kids must be involved in a gazillion different activities.  Not just to be doing a wide variety of things, but to be excelling at each of them.  If they are not being constantly stimulated and pushed we're not doing our job.  If we're not raising the next Mozart, Picasso, Michael Phelps, Anna Pavlova, or Frank Lloyd Wright we must be failing as parents.  I admit it, I'm guilty.  The little jealous side of me when I hear a family talk about how all their kids play an instrument, are on the swim team, do art class two times a week, some type of scouts or group activity, horse back riding, acting and the odd interspersed activities to make sure their kids are exposed to everything.  I mean why would we want our kids to miss out on anything.
     All those things are fun and provide good and educational experiences.  Who wants to say no to good things.  Definitely not me.  I wonder how good it is though?  What if money was no obstacle and the world was a buffet of activities and experiences for the taking?  I mean are the kids of families with schedules jam packed of experiences any better off than the kids who might have one or two activities a week?  What about family time?  Is there time to build a relationship with our kids, or is most of out time spent together in frustration getting from one place to the next.  Are we fostering a quiet spirit in our kids?  A spirit that is silent enough to listen instead of being in constant chaos and distraction.  The school of silence is where we are open to hearing God.  If we have nothing but constant noise and distraction in our life will we ever hear Him?  How do we combat a consumer mentality.  The attitude that I must have it and I must have it right now.  Moderation, discernment, what's that?  We all want our kids to have the best.  What if the "best" we give is doing more harm than good?  What if instead of fostering an attitude of thankfulness and gratitude, we're fostering an attitude of entitlement and false expectation? 
     These are really important questions I think every family must ask.  Kids by their very nature are more prone to flit float from one thing to the next.  To be passionate about music lessons one week only to despise them the next.  They hear about such and such activity their friend is now doing and they want to do it too.  It's so easy to think we're ruining our kids chances of a happy, filled childhood because they are missing out.  We certainly can find a way and the means to squeeze in one more thing.  Really when it comes down to it our kids will value what we value and mirror us whether we want them to or not.  What do we want them to value?  What do we want them to mirror?  When we strive at being mediocre at many things we never truly have the discipline to master anything.
     The school year is coming to a close and I'm already thinking about the fall.  I'm going to be asking myself these very same questions in the coming weeks.  What do I want my children to love and value?  Is what I'm giving them and what they are involved in encouraging them to love and value the proper things or is it just more noise, busyness, and distraction?  What are our non-negotiables and why?  I'll readily admit, I don't have any prodigies among my crew.  They are all have own unique talents and gifts.  God gave them those talents and gifts and it's up to me to encourage their proper use and place.  The most important thing for them to remember is that they may be "average" in the eyes of the world, but they are extraordinary in the eyes of God.  I guess everything else stems from that realization.  As much as I love them, God love them far greater.  I'd love to hear your thoughts and insights.  We're all in this together. Right? God, bless you on this journey. 
    

When someone you love is in a hurting marriage

     An uncomfortable topic isn't it.  It can be very charged and even bring up feelings you have experienced over the course of your own married life.  Who doesn't know someone in a hurting marriage?  I think we all do, have experienced, or may be currently experiencing one ourselves.  Oh my gosh, to be the friend, or sibling, or parent of a man or woman in a hurting marriage can just about make your heart bleed.  What are you supposed to do?  People in a hurting marriage aren't just experiencing run of the mill marriage arguments or issues.  There can be serious issues at play.  Affairs of the heart, physical infidelity, lies, deception, emotional abuse, financial abuse, or physical abuse, mental illness, drug abuse, alcoholism, rejection, abandonment, the list could go on.  As a friend, sibling, or parent how can we help?

Prayer

     First thing on the list absolutely is prayer.  Pray for them as a couple and encourage them to pray together.  Let them know you are praying for them and asking others to pray for them.  Flooding a couple with graces and lifting them up in prayer brings the light of Christ into their darkness.  When they are hurting, you can be guaranteed the first thing to go is their prayer life.  They may still attend church and put up a false sense of closeness to God.  The reality couldn't be further from the truth.  They are stuck in a place of darkness and desolation.  They are far away from the God who loves them and wants them to be whole.  We are all broken people, only God can make us whole.  Encourage them to go to confession weekly.  We can be the master deceivers and the first people we often lie to is ourselves.  When we are forced to examine our conscience, God brings to light that which we seek to hide.  Encourage each spouse to go to weekly confession at least.  Attend mass as often as possible.  We become what we love.  If we love Christ, no matter how far away from him we are, we will always seek him out.  The Eucharist is the source of all life in us.  Receiving Him in the Eucharist fills us full to overflowing.  Encourage frequent reception of communion in the sacrifice of the Holy Mass.  Adoration.  We are so lucky as to have Christ present to us in such a real way.  We need do nothing more than sit in his loving presence.  Not so much to speak, but as to listen to Him.  The couple should be encouraged to attend adoration together weekly.  God has joined them together, praying together in His presence is very powerful.  Daily prayer.  Encourage each of them to pray for each other even if it's as simple as "Lord, I can't love my spouse right now, please Jesus, love them through me", or "Please Lord walk with my spouse today and guide their thoughts, words, and actions".  Encouraging mutual prayer encourages mutual love and self sacrifice.  They are literally loving their enemy.  

Do Not Take Sides

     This is probably the hardest thing you can possibly do.  When someone you love is being hurt the bear in you comes out and you want to squash the other person doing the hurting.  You have to remember though, there are two people in that marriage, and both of those people are responsible for the hurt and the mess.  Each to a greater or lesser degree.  It doesn't really matter.  When you pick sides, you are throwing gasoline on an already volatile situation.  There are flip sides to every coin and we have no way of knowing fully what goes on behind closed doors.  All we are privy to is what we're told.  Let me tell you, when a married couple is hurting, they will dog out their spouse to unload the hurt they can't hold in any longer.  We want to be there to help, and commiserate.  Which is wonderful.  However, we have to be very careful not to spouse bash, start a witch hunt, or add anger and hurt to an already angry and hurtful situation.    It is ok to address wrong action or wrong thought when we see it in both parties.  It must be done in a way that fosters a spirit of love, communication, and healing.  Remember, as a married couple it will always be easier for them to forgive each other and forget past hurts, it will not be so easy for you because you don't have the God given grace of their marriage covenant.  You must love each hurting person, or excuse yourself from the situation.  The only person that should be in the middle of their marriage is God, not you.  

Do Not Encourage Separation

     When a couple separates, reconciliation is much less likely to happen.  When a couple is separated all that happens is that they bark at one another from afar.  They don't have to take responsibility for their issues.  When there are children involved they are the ones who get hurt the most. Wondering what they could have done to drive their mother or father away.  Wondering why they aren't loved anymore.  No matter how messy it is, parents who stay as one flesh model that each of them is worth it and their family is worth it.  They model that no matter how rough life gets, if we pull together and toward God and healing, we will experience new life and beautiful healing.  Encouraging a couple to pull apart is divisive and no matter how well meaning, will always have disastrous consequences.  We must always prayerfully discern how God wants to use us.

Tell them to seek help

     Sometimes the problems in a marriage are far beyond any advice we could and should give.  There are numerous resources to help a hurting marriage.  Retrouvaille, www.thealexanderhouse.org,    a priest, spiritual director, couples counseling by a therapist who is pro-marriage.  Remember, there are two people in a marriage.  Each of them are hurting and have also hurt the other.  Yes, sometimes I fancy myself an armchair psychologist, but when you're dealing with a marriage, sometimes the best thing you can do is say"I am so sorry you're hurting, I'm praying for you, I'm hear to listen to you, but I'm not the best person to help you right now, here are some resources for you."

     So here is my disclaimer.  If the person you love is being abused, God does not want one of his precious children's body or health to be destroyed.  There are many types of abuse and they are all equally insidious. You can and should encourage them to separate from their abusive spouse with the hope of healing and reconciliation one day.  The decision however is up to them. You never want to put a person in a situation where they feel they can't come to you because for whatever reason they choose to stay.  The best thing I can say is to look at the prayer of St. Francis.  Ask yourself if you are sowing these virtues in that hurting couples marriage?  God Bless you on this journey.

 

 

What do you want now!

Oh my good golly.  This has become my mantra throughout the day.  I feel pulled in so many directions that my kids just start to ask me something and I find myself cutting them off with a "geez, what do you want now!"  You know, I find myself doing that in my relationship with Christ as well.  "Well, what do you want now!  Haven't I given you enough!"  So, what better time than Lent to refocus my view from self to other, and God.  Instead of snapping how I feel, I'm going to take a 5 second pause and say to myself, "yes Lord, how can I serve you".  Right now the "least of these" are my children, spouse, and small sphere of friends.  When I feel like screaming, "well, what the heck do you want now?!?", I'm going to quietly say, "how can I help you?".  Christ is in my home and in my small little world.  I need to remind myself to see him and serve him there.  Yes, I'll probably fail more times than I succeed, but it's in the effort and intention that God finds an opening to work.  I really feel this well change the atmosphere in my house and how we all relate to one another.  Try it and let me know how your homes have changed for the better.

The latest causualty of war.....

     I'm sure you've run across this news article from various sources.  I normally read these articles, pass them along to others, and then add them to my mental file of "what the hell is wrong with this world, I must pray" file folder.  This story has stuck with me, mostly because of the amount of hateful comments heaped on this woman.  To be clear, what she did is wrong, period.  We like to think that if we were her, in all respects, we would choose differently.  The fact of the matter is, nothing is clear cut, and we can hope, but we could also have fallen.  Fallen just as spectacularly.
     I consider this woman the latest casualty in a war on women and family that started with Eve.  Yes, we like to think in terms of the the sexual revolution or Roe vs Wade as the beginning of the war on women, the family, and babies.  In reality, ancient civilizations were just as barbaric as our current Culture of Death.  No excuses, it's just reality.  So many women have fallen prey to the abortion industry.  Women who destroy and murder their own children because they feel it's either me or the baby, and damn it, it's not going to be me.  This poor woman could have faced a very similar situation.  Many girl babies in current day China are murdered or left to die simply because they are not boys.  Those women who look into the faces of their children and say it's going to be me that makes it out of this situation, not you.  Women in India are pressured to abort their babies if they are found to be girls.  Many succumb to that pressure because their lives would be made into a literal hell on earth.  No, excuses, it's just reality.
     The same compassion our Lord showed to sinners, even those with sins of a great nature, is what we should show to this woman and all men and women who face an it's either you or me decision.  Odds are you are surround by men and women who have been faced with that decision and saw no way out.  Yes, even men and women who might have been pro-life most of their lives.  Don't be shocked.  You see, Satan trapped them in his web of lies.  Telling them they were faced with an impossible situation.  Telling them they are truly all alone.  Heaping shame on top of their hurt on top of their .
     A Culture of Death is not halted in it's tracts by hateful words.  It's halted by shouting what is happening is wrong.  It's halted by taking that man or woman by the hand and acknowledging their pain and impossible situation.  Even if the outcome is their having an abortion anyway, or as in this case abandoning their child, they have seen the face of Christ himself instead of yours.  A face that will forever be in their hearts, hopefully one day leading to their conversion.  So let us stop and pray for this poor woman, he strong husband, and beautiful child.  They all have a long road ahead of them and they need those graces and spiritual hugs.  Because, even she is a child of God, worth it, and in need every much as the beggar on the streets of Calcutta.  May God bless you on this journey.

Do I really have to stay sane???

     So it's been a rough last few months.  In my own life, in the lives of people I know, and in the lives of people I don't know.  There's the family who's 18mo old died while taking a nap, the thirty-four year old husband and father dying of cancer leaving behind his beautiful wife and kids, the friend who experienced stillbirth shortly before she was due, the precious woman in her 40s who cancer decided to take, the middle aged gentleman who had an accident and ended up dying, at least 3 teens who thought suicide was the answer to their hurt, precious ladies close to my heart suffering from PPD, pain, surgeries, yeah, you get the drift.  Damn it, do I really have to stay sane?  I mean sometimes life is just downright depressing.
     I have this blessing and curse.  Empathy.  It's good to possess because you can put yourself in others shoes.  It can also help you be more diplomatic.  For me, I also feel others pain.  Nope, seriously, I feel their distress as my own and feel compelled to do something, to help as if it were me experiencing what they are.  No, not crazy, and yep, always been this way.  It is so easy for me to get discouraged and feel helpless.  You can't replace someones child, you can't take away their cancer, you can't take away their pain, you can't be there all the time because you have your own family and commitments.  Most times there is nothing you can do to make it right.  Sometimes you feel what little you can do is worthless.  Sometimes you can't do anything but offer your prayer.
     It occurred to me the today.  So much of my discouragement and helplessness is pride.  Pride in depending only on my own power and resources.  You want to take away suffering, but in reality, you can't nor should you.  God has plans infinitely better than mine.  Even if it involves suffering or taking a precious soul back to his bosom.  Sometimes you can't do more than offer your prayers.  We can get trapped in thinking that somehow prayers, offerings, and sacrifices for another are at the low end of the totem pole.  If we're not "doing something" we're not helping.  In reality, it is the best and most important thing you can do.  Everything else stems from those things.  Prayers and closeness to God will calls us into action.  God calls each of us to different actions.  Each of us has different gifts and God calls each of us in different ways.  We shouldn't feel bad if all we can do is pray, or all we can do is offer a kind word or note.  God in his infinite love gathers many to help those in need, and sometimes that need is trust in Him and prayer which showers graces where they are needed most.
     It's grace that get's your friend through that last chemo treatment.  It's grace that keeps despair and anger at bay and replaces them with love and remembrance in the heart of a person who's lost a loved one.  It's grace that enable a person in chronic pain to say yes, I can do this again tomorrow.  It was a great reminder to me that God indeed has people close to his heart.  That while I may be tempted to despair because I can't "help", maybe God is asking me to help in the way his sons and daughters need the most.