Wanted: Male Mentors

     So I have been pondering why there aren't more men willing to step up and be mentors.  As the summer approaches, two father led organizations my boys belong to are in danger of ending because the men who have been President are retiring and as yet, no one is willing to step in their shoes.  If these organizations were women led there would most likely already be a replacement chosen with a plan made for the coming year.  I see this so often and I'm curious why?  Let's face it, in our society there is a shortage of good male role models.  Heck, there is a shortage of men willing to step up and be fathers.  I don't want to shortchange men by any means.  I know many good fathers who are very involved in leading their families and raising boys into men.  However, radical feminism, and the sway of modern progressive society have damaged and emasculated fatherhood to the point where they would have you wondering whether or not men are little more than sperm donors. 
    Pope Francis recently stated of men, “All of us, to exist, to become complete, in order to be mature, we need to feel the joy of fatherhood: even those of us who are celibate...Fatherhood is giving life to others, giving life…for us, it is pastoral paternity, spiritual fatherhood, but this is still giving life, this is still becoming fathers.”  Is that what is missing?  Too many men do not feel the joy of fatherhood?  I mean, it may be no wonder since many men aren't even aware of their importance in the family.  As saint John Paul II so wonderfully stated,  “As experience teaches, the absence of the father causes psychological and moral imbalance and notable difficulties in family relationships. In contrary circumstances, the oppressive presence of a father, where there still prevails the phenomenon of machismo, or a wrong superiority of male prerogatives which humiliates women and inhibits the development of healthy family relationships (Familiaris Consortio, 25).
    In a wonderful article I recently read, Pope Benedict XVI spoke about how coming to know God as Father through the scriptures can help overcome the fatherhood crisis.  In a society where in many homes fathers are totally absent, is it any wonder men who have not been taught to be men by their fathers, feel uncomfortable teaching other boys how to be men.  Boys long to be virtuous hero's.  Hero's who fight battles and slay dragons.  We need you, men, fathers, to step up and teach our young men how to slay dragons.  Guiding these young souls is tricky business and not for the faint of heart. 
     So what exemplifies true fatherhood?  Fr. Hardon clarifies for us that;"

• True fatherhood begins with a lifetime commitment of the husband to his wife.
• True fatherhood builds on the selfless love of the husband for his wife.
• True fatherhood depends on the generous love of the husband for the offspring of his wife.
• True fatherhood means that the husband cooperates with his wife in the spiritual upbringing of the children.
• True fatherhood therefore, is not only or even mainly generating a human body in this world. It is also and mainly collaborating with the mother in developing the human soul for everlasting life in eternity.

Like St. Joseph, fathers should be:

• most just, without partiality or human respect.
• most chaste, according to their married state of life.
• most prudent, in knowing God’s will through constant prayer.
• most valiant in courageously accepting the cross every moment of the day.
• most obedient in seeing every event as part of divine Providence and responding with, “Here I am Lord. I am ready to do Your will.”
• most faithful in loving their wives with perfect fidelity, and their children with tireless generosity.
• the strength of the home by their exercise of manly courage. They are to protect their wives and children from the plots of the modern Herods who are inspired by the evil spirit to destroy the Christian family in the modern world."

       So there it is men.  Physical and Spiritual fatherhood, flip sides of the same coin. We need you on the front lines.  We need you to step up and reclaim your fatherhood.  We need you to lead your sons and teach them to be men.  We need you to step up and volunteer to be mentors and leaders to boys whose fathers can't or don't want to teach them how to be men.  So remember, " As the family goes, so goes the nation and so goes the whole world in which we live."(Saint John Paul II)
  

Love, refined in the fire

     You know who you are.  A mother or father in the shadows hidden away from the work a day world raising children.  Perhaps you dabble in the work world, or work from home. However, the bulk of your work consists of feeding those little cherub faces, taming mounds of laundry, or showing a patient(or not so patient) face as you reheat your coffee for the 3rd and 4th time.  What value is there in swishing from mundane task to mundane task.  Refereeing through the umpteenth disagreement in so many minutes.  All to collapse on the couch in the evening and do it again the next day.
     You know who you are.  A husband or wife head spinning as you move from one activity to the next.  Passing each other with only swift acknowledgement because you're tired from the day or have more to do's to cross off your list.  Some of you may feel like a single parent in a marriage or lonely even though your spouse is in the same room.  Carrying such a weight you, the last thing you feel is love.
     Sounds like a swinging time doesn't it.  We crazy people who choose to raise these little darlings, and commit to a covenant of love in marriage aren't masochists I assure you.  There are very few vocations in life that put a person on the fast tract to holiness.  Being a spouse and a parent happens to be one of them.  We are cooperating in God's life giving love.  We are constantly refined and purified in the fire of life's daily happenings.  Love is not some lofty idea or feeling.  God loved us first.  He loved us so much He gave His only Son to suffer and die on the cross for us and our sins.  We are called to respond to that love in kind.  Love, is a sacrifice.  Yes, a sacrifice my friends.  A joyful sacrifice because you're giving of yourself for the benefit and raising up of someone else.  You are willing good for that other person.  When that someone(s) mirrors our sacrificial love, true joys springs from it because it grows exponentially.  It goes against all human nature, believe me.  Someone close to me said the primary lesson they learned in childhood from their parents was 'get your own first'.  How often do we see and hear that ideology today.  Far too often.  That kind of selfishness is always mirrored back to us.  Mirrored back in betrayal, mistrust, anger, resentment, hopelessness, and despair. 
     How often do we get caught up in comparing and counting our sacrifices only to be left feeling bitter because we feel we're clearly giving more than someone else.  It is so easy, so, so, easy.  If we could always keep on our mind that God is the essence of love.  He is love.  Not a feeling of love, not loving actions, but Love itself.  A love that overcomes us.  Thank goodness too, because it's not easy to put our own desires, passions, and wants aside for someone else.  In fact, without God I don't think we could do it.  All the sufferings and sacrifices we're called to make throughout our day helps to burn that sacrificial love in our minds, our hearts, our very souls.  We are meant to be a gift to each other.  If we each become a gift giver, a bearer of love, we also reap love in return.  Our will's must bend and become God's will.  So into the fire we go my dear friends, into the fire we go. 

Depression and Home Education~ practical ways that can help~

     Just because you suffer or have suffered from depression doesn't mean you can't or shouldn't home educate.  You just need to be more aware of what's going on inside you and be honest with yourself about how you're feeling.  The most important thing you can do is to be gentle with yourself.  You're likely going to have good weeks and bad weeks.  Life is always a work in progress, and some weeks you'll have more progress than others.     
1. Prayer   
    I would have to say the most important thing you need is prayer.  You need to draw yourself as close to God as possible.  Being close to God will help reveal the distorted thinking that occurs when you're depressed.  Always remember, despair is not from God.  Satan wants us to lose hope, to despair, to sink into a place where we can neither receive nor give love.  Prayer is our personal conversation with God.  It is as important for us to listen and it is to to the talking.  Depression can rob you of the feeling of a close, personal, relationship with the Lord.  You may feel dry or disconnected.  Persevere, you'll be receiving graces whether you realize it or not.  Receive the Eucharist as frequently as possible.  Adoration, the rosary, a simple 'Jesus be with me', there is no one right way of praying.  Make prayer the 1st thing you do in the day.  If necessary, set a timer and make sure your kids know until that timer goes off you are to be left to spend time with God.  Better yet, make it prayer time for everyone.  If you give the 1st 5-10 minutes of your day to God, he will lead you the rest of the day.
2. Get Outside
     Sunlight and nature can be some very good therapy.  A good dose of 30 minutes of sunlight can help set your circadian rhythm.  Good, restful sleep is so important to boosting your concentration and mood.  In fact, there is also a strong correlation between vitamin D3 (the sunshine vitamin) deficiency and depression.  Depression can rob life of beauty.  I think the best way to reconnect with that beauty and peace is through the natural world.  Christ speaks to us in the silence of our hearts.  We can't hear his voice if we surround ourselves with constant noise and distraction.  Go for a walk around your neighborhood and observe the beauty of the world around you.  Find a green belt or open space near you.  Take special care to notice the smells, sounds, and colors as you go.  Sit and watch a beautiful sunset.  Take the kids on a nature walk with you.  The old saying 'stop and smell the roses' is some good, healthy, advice.
3. Exercise
     Some studies show that aerobic exercise 45-60 minutes 3-5 times a week may be as effective as anti-depressants in helping mild-moderate depression.  Yes, I know.  You're energy tank is empty and you have no motivation.  My advice?  Start small, start slow, but start!  You're going to have to use your self talk muscle here.  Your head will tell you no.  Your body will tell you no.  Your will, will tell you no.  You're not going to feel like it, but do it anyway.  At first you will probably fail more than you will succeed.  That's o.k., keep moving forward.  Are you on a walk getting some sun and nature?  Pick up the pace a little or pop in an exercise DVD.  One of the funniest memories I have exercising is when I popped in a Zumba DVD.  I got some good exercise,  the kids thought the moves were hilarious, and we all had a good laugh.  Laugh.  Yes, laughing, remember that?  That's some good exercise in and of itself.  Swimming, walking, exercise classes, whatever gets you moving is going to be of benefit.
4. Nutrition  
     Don't underestimate the role of nutrition in helping depression.  Maintaining a healthy diet is important for e veryone, but it is especially important for those experiencing depression.  Try avoiding processed foods and opt for nutrient dense whole food choices instead.  Omega 3 fatty acids are important for mental function and mood.  Studies have shown than many people experiencing depression are also deficient in Omega 3 fatty acids.  I, myself, take 1,000mg of a molecularly distilled fish oil daily.  When we are chronically stressed B vitamins can be depleted.  I think it's important to choose a high quality multi-vitamin/multi-mineral supplement to fill in our nutritional gaps and deficiencies.  I can always tell when I've forgotten to take my supplements.  
5. Sleep
     Oh, sleep!  How I miss thee.  Seriously, I don't think I've slept through a full night in about 10 years.  Pregnancy, babies, nursing, sick kids, stress, insomnia, and anxiety about life's worries can all rob us of a restful night sleep.  It's just the season of life I'm in.  Normal sleep restores and heals us.  Sleep is intimately linked with depression. I, myself, suffer from insomnia.  As evidenced by my burning of the midnight oil more nights than not.  Ideally, it's good to cut off all screen time at least an hour before we plan on going to bed.  Engage in quiet restful activities like reading or a hot bath.  A really good way to end the day is to engage in prayer.  Make a review of your day.  What went well, what didn't?  Lack of sleep or non restoring sleep can really impact how you handle situations and feel about those around you.  If you're really over tired you whole day will look dark. 
6. Engage your family and help others
     As I stated before, when I am depressed I want to be left alone.  One way to combat that is to actively engage your family.  I have tried to take the words of Saint John Paul II to heart,"To maintain a joyful family requires much from both the parents and the children. Each member of the family has to become, in a special way, the servant of the others and share their burdens".  Home education gives a unique opportunity to serve our families.  It's normal and healthy to need and take time for yourself.  However, if you notice more often than not you avoid actively engaging your spouse or children then you might need to take a step back and then plunge head first into some serious family time.  Really, it is not too hard.  Go to a creek with the kids and pack a picnic lunch.  Spend the day rediscovering your children and yourself.  Play a board game or do some finger painting.    We are often so busy that we miss out on really speaking to their hearts.  Engage your family and reach out to help others.  Make time for your spouse and friendships, you need them.  Your body needs food, your soul needs the Lord, and our psyches need love and community.   We're called to be in community with each other.  True joy comes from giving to others.  Call a friend to say hi and see how they're doing.  Bring a meal to family who is in need.  Giving in smalls ways will help you come out of yourself.  It's not easy, but you will feel more connected to life if you stretch yourself a bit.  Ask Christ to work in and through you to love and serve those around you, for he most surely will.  

     It may seem as if there are too many obstacles for you to overcome.  Looks to the lives of the saints.  So many of them endured incredible suffering and overcame huge obstacles.  Embrace your cross knowing that God's grace is there for the taking, all you have to do is ask.  If you love someone with depression, your relationship with them is so important.  Remember, depression isn't something a person can just "snap out of".  They need your loving presence in their life.  It is easy to get frustrated and feel as if your loved one doesn't want to be different.  It can be difficult when someone isolates themselves and doesn't want to communicate, making it hard to love them and be around them.  Pray for your loved one and ask for the graces to love them as Christ loves you.  Depression can leave everyone feeling alone and broken.  However, I choose to look at depression differently.  It's a suffering, yes.  It's a cross, yes.  I think it also can be seen as a deeper longer.  God calling our broken selves into deeper union with him.  A union which will leave us more whole than we can ever imagine. 
     So admitting you are experiencing depression is the first step to healing.  Accepting this suffering with humility and seeking treatment and help will set you upon the right path.  Persevere through your limitations, because there is light, love, and happiness within your reach.  You just have to punch through the darkness to find it.  The more you persevere, the brighter the light will become.  There are many others walking on the same path as you, so take heart and may the peace of Christ be with as you go. 
    


     

             

To maintain a joyful family requires much from both the parents and the children. Each member of the family has to become, in a special way, the servant of the others.
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/p/popejohnpa114666.html#0VjvtJr5oG9PIzmy.99

To maintain a joyful family requires much from both the parents and the children. Each member of the family has to become, in a special way, the servant of the others.
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/p/popejohnpa114666.html#0VjvtJr5oG9PIzmy.99