“Forgiveness is a beautiful idea – until you have something to forgive.” (C.S.Lewis)
Forgiveness, the one thing Christ commanded us to do, and the one thing that sometimes almost feels like it will kill us if we do. Especially if the one we need to forgive is ourselves. Somewhere along the way of life I ingrained, in my conscience, a very untrue idea about God. The idea that if we fall through sin, that if we're not perfect, or don't pray in the perfect way, we're not acceptable to God. Yeah, I know, it sounds weird, right? Don't ask me how I got that idea, I just don't know. I guess a person could call it scrupulosity. Now, being scrupulous in and of itself isn't a bad thing. We need to be discerning. It's when that scrupulosity causes us to have a negative view of God, that it becomes a problem. We place our human limitations on God. It also becomes a problem when we worry too much about what other people think of us. Would they still love me if only they knew I did such and such. Does God still love me knowing I did such and such. Forgiveness, forgiving others as well as forgiving ourselves is an essential part of who God calls us to be.
Your friend or relative is an alcoholic. Maybe it's you that's realized your an alcoholic. The pain that has been caused to everyone is very fresh and very real. They or you've started a 12 step program and ask for forgiveness. How do you truly forgive that person or yourself? You've just found out your sibling or very best friend has had an abortion. Or maybe it's you, through your brokenness that's aborted your own child. How do you offer forgiveness to them or begin to forgive yourself? You might be living in a difficult or adulterous marriage, time after time you're hurt and rejected. How do you forgive your spouse? Last year Pope Francis in his Sunday Angelus, said, "the “joy of God” is ultimately found in pardoning another for his wrongdoing, just as in the parable of the Prodigal Son...What is the joy of God? It is to forgive!”. In forgiveness, in this teaching “is the whole Gospel, it is all of Christianity!” Forgiveness, he warned, “is not a sentiment – it is not 'feeling good' – on the contrary, mercy is the true force that can save man and the world from the cancer that is sin, bad morality or bad spirituality. Only love fills up the emptiness, the negative chasms that evil opens in hearts and in history.” Pope Francis encouraged “Everyone in silence think of someone with whom things aren’t going well: someone we are angry at, someone we don’t wish well. Think of this person, and in silence in this moment let’s pray for this person and become merciful towards this person.” So we recognize there are some serious things to forgive, and we remember the words in the Our Father. "Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us". These words are so hard to live out to completion, especially when our temperament, personality, and life experiences pushes us to do otherwise. So what can we do when faced with otherwise unforgivable things?
Prayer!
This should be our first resort, not our last. We can only live out forgiveness if we're bolstered in prayer. Prayer not just for ourselves, but for the other person(s). Whoever has been involved in our hurt. We're not merely asked to forgive, we're commanded to forgive. As the father forgave the prodigal son, as God has forgiven us from the cross. We all have received the mercy and forgiveness of God, from the moment we sinned, we cannot do less. St. Paul said, " Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, with all malice, and be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ Forgave you.”Ephesians 4:31-32 Mercy, peace, and hope will never penetrate our hearts of stone, they must be softened though forgiveness first. Forgiveness doesn't happen overnight. Pray for the person who's hurt you. Pray that you may accept and feel God's forgiveness for our own faults. We just need to ask.
Realizing What Forgiveness is!
As Pope Francis noted, forgiveness is not an emotion, but an act of the will. Forgiveness doesn't mean you'll all of a sudden be filled with rosy feelings. You may still hurt, you'll always remember, but you are choosing to free yourself of the pain and burden of holding onto anger, resentment, and turmoil. You are are offering everything up to God and letting go, freeing yourself, and also freeing the other person to make things right. Now, that doesn't mean just because you forgive a person or a hurt, they will all of a sudden realize what they have done. They may never repent, and while it's sad, their making it right is not what forgiveness is. That is reconciliation. While that is the ultimate goal for all of us, to forgive or be forgiven, and make it right, reconciliation is not necessary to forgive. If we desire to become like Christ, then as Christ forgave the very men who nailed him to the cross, we must also forgive. "For there are three ways of
performing an act of mercy: the merciful word, by forgiving and by
comforting; secondly, if you can offer no word, then pray - that too is
mercy; and thirdly, deeds of mercy. And when the Last Day comes, we
shall be judged from this, and on this basis we shall receive the
eternal verdict." Saint Faustina Kowalska
Letting Go of the Hurt!
Letting go of the pain so you can forgive is so very difficult. It can be hard, especially if the hurt is deep, but don't fixate on the person who hurt you. If you are having difficulty forgiving yourself, and your self talk is negative and hateful, nip it in the bud. Ask Christ the divine healer and physician to take these thoughts away from you. Focus on something else. Go for a walk. Make a trip to adoration. Journal your feelings on paper and then give them over to God. If you can't let go of the pain, that pain will eat you alive and you'll be bitter and depressed. God, as your heavenly Father, loves you and only wants what is good for you. Resentment and hate are like cancers that eat away at our souls. Remember, oh please remember, we are all sinners. It's so easy for any one of us to think we'd make a different decision, or never would treat others that way. In reality, we all come from different places, different family dynamics, and different levels of spiritual maturity. We should never get caught in the trap of, "But I would never!". It's dangerous ground. Sure, you say, it's easy for offenses that happen every so often, but what of those that are constantly happening over and over. What then? Well, I say, no it's not easy, and it will test your will like nothing else will. To be able to say, "Lord, I am being hurt time and time again, please forgive that person for me and through me because I am in so much pain I can't do it myself right now". Remember forgiveness isn't about excusing your own actions or someone else's actions. It's about letting go and giving to God something that he freely and lovingly gives to us. If we make it a habit it will change our lives and perhaps even the lives of the people around us. I want to share with you something powerful, something that has the potential to change your life.
Response:I accept and enter this covenant as if I were beginning a brand new journey in life.
Leader:The deeper the hurt, the longer the journey, whether in minutes, hours or days, to that healing destination brought about by forgiveness and release.
Response:I promise to move in that direction. I may not move as fast as you think I should, but today or daily I will release and surrender either all or some part of this cumbersome weight.
Leader:These hurts have many names such as bushwhacked, waylaid, back-stabbed, slandered, deceived, etc., and none hurt like that received from a perceived friend.
Response:I will cease giving it a name and simply reject anything in my mind and spirit that is counterproductive to what God has planned for me.
Leader:Ceasing to dwell on this matter is not a matter of weakness, for it will free your time and mind. Therefore, if you are willing to stop looking back and instead face a forward direction, then our mighty God will be better able to bless and direct a forward-moving life.
Response:Because I know you are right, I hereby give up to God my so-called “rights” I have attached to my hurts, knowing He will deal with those involved while also leading me “in the paths of righteousness for His name’s sake.”
Forgiveness is something that can change your life. It's not a once and done. It takes a lifetime to live out. It's a journey, and no, God knows we're not going to be perfect. He knows we're going to fall. What matters is that we pick ourselves up, shake off the dust, and try again. It's when we constantly seek to know and love God, that we will be able to know and love ourselves. When we see Christ reflected in others or ourselves we'll be able to experience the love he wants to shower on us. It's always our own selves blocking the peace, love, and hope that God wants for us. We need to be able to forgive, even the most horrific offenses that we've committed or others have committed to be able to experience the "Joy of God", as Pope Francis so beautifully stated.
~Force yourself, if necessary, always to forgive those who offend you,
from the very first moment. For the greatest injury or offence that you
can suffer from them is as nothing compared with what God has pardoned
you”.~ St. Josemarie Escriva
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