The home school year is so hectic for us, that I was really looking forward to a lot of at home days this summer. Trying to tame the chaos around the house that creeps forward in an unrelenting tide. Not having somewhere to drive or some appointment to meet almost every day of the week. The first week of July is about to come to a close and I might actually be more stressed out than during the school year. I've come to the conclusion that a lot of the stress I'm feeling is because my life has become about checking that next thing off my list instead of experiencing every moment, every day, as something unique to be cherished. Today is done and I can check tasks off my list, but how much of it was I actually present for?
I am besieged by guilt every time I say, "No, I can't read a book to you now honey, I have to do the dishes", "No, I don't feel like playing with you just right now I need to sweep the floor the umpteenth time today". Taking care of the home is important, don't get me wrong. We've all got to have clean clothes, clean dishes, and some semblance of order. I've just been realizing lately that there are just not enough hours in the day to be and do everything I need. I can't have a spotless house at the expense of my family. I can't home educate to the exclusion of all else. I can't be so totally focused on the family that the house goes by the wayside. Never mind finding time to squeeze in for me, just me.
It's so easy to feel like a failure by the end of the day. We place the bar so high and there simply isn't enough hours in the day to do and be everything we think we should. We tell ourselves if only we were better organizers, or more patient, or more of this, more of that, then surely we would be better wives, better mothers, better home educators, better at our careers. We have our long lists of things that must get done and berate ourselves when hardly anything at all gets accomplished by the end of the day. So inevitably, we go to bed adding all the things undone from today to our already long list for tomorrow. Is it any wonder we walk around tired, stressed, and constant worry warts? Does He want us to live out life this way? I hardly think so.
So what are we supposed to do? I think most importantly we can give our day to Christ. The beginning of our day and the end of our day. The beginning so that we're not trying to plod through it under solely our own power. The end so that we can give everything to him. Everything done and not done, our heavy burden handed over to him to carry and dispose of at his will. This all so we can wake refreshed and start the next day anew. Let us also not forget to rest in Mother Mary's arms. Our heavenly Mother can carry us when we can no longer carry ourselves. There are some other things we can do to nourish and fill ourselves. I mean, how can we give and give and give if we are not constantly filling ourselves. It just doesn't work. It's also not how God wants us to live our lives. Some important things to do every day:
Do something for yourself
1. Emotionally
2. Something spiritually
3. Something physically
4. Something mentally
Emotionally we must fill ourselves every day. It's next to impossible to be fully present and loving if our emotional tanks are empty. I think one of the simplest things you can do is find out your love language. How do you experience and feel loved? It's probably not the same way your spouse or kids feel and experience love. Knowing what your love language is can help your spouse and others fill your tank so you can more easily give of yourself to others. Another good trait to know about yourself is your temperament. Your temperament colors your whole perspective on life, and also how we communicate. Does going on a walk help to replenish your reserves? Do it! Sure ideally it would be alone, but if you're like me and you can't, go with your kids. It'll boost everyone's mood. Do you need a cup of coffee in the morning before you can utter a word? Trust me, you're in good company. Fill yourself emotionally, it's important.
Our spiritual life so important. Prayer is the living relationship we have with God. If we don't go a day without communicating with our family and friends, then neither should we go that long without conversing with God. Prayer doesn't help God to know us better. He is already the author of all our days. Prayer helps us get to know Him better. By knowing God better, we can also know ourselves better. Prayer helps to fortify us against the daily storms of life. Storms are going to come, but we'll feel a lot better if we have an anchor that holds us fast instead of being tossed about, becoming battered and beaten down. Prayer, the Sacraments, Adoration, Holy Mass, these are our spiritual food.
Our physical bodies very much influence how we feel about everything else. I used to be to athletic. I swam competitively till I was 18, played lacrosse in college, and trail running was a favorite pastime. Long gone are those days and the size 9 fit and healthy body that went with it. Undiagnosed hypothyroidism, PCOS, knee surgery, and yo-yo dieting totally wrecked my metabolism. Four kids and not much in the way of intense exercise later and I feel totally unmotivated to do much in the way of physical exercise. Walk, we can all walk. Studies show that even just 10 minutes of exercise can help lift our mood. So join me and get up and get out.
Being mentally stimulated is so necessary, especially if you're at home with young kids all day. When I start using the grammar of my four year old and I without even thinking, ask my husband if he's gone potty before we leave the house, I know it's time to start re-entering the adult world. Don't turn down a Mom's Night Out. Call a friend to make a play date. Seriously, we all know play dates are really for Mom's anyway. The kids can play and the mom's can have some adult conversation. Make a wish list of some books that you think you'd be interested in. Try to find subjects that stimulate and inspire you. Don't think you have time to read? 10 minutes. Read a good book for 10 minutes a day. It's really hard at first, your brain needs a little retraining and stretching. If you can swing it, maybe take that painting class you've always wanted. Take up the hobby you've been meaning to try. Remember, you were you long before you were a wife or mother.
Remember, Jesus in all his wisdom said," Do not worry about tomorrow; tomorrow will take care of itself. Sufficient for a day is its own evil". Matthew 6:34 To worry is to be human. God invites us to lay his worry on him. He shows us how, by trusting in his love and mercy, our burdens are made so much lighter to bare. Cherish every moment. Even the bad moments. We are on this earth for such a short time. We're not meant to race through life. We are called to experience the wonder, beauty, and soul that fills this earth. When we're called home to the Lord are we going to remember that spotless house, the balance of our banking account, the nice car we drove, the hours put in at the office, the fact that we actually finished an entire years worth of curriculum? No. We're going to remember the smile on our daughters face when she was four. The frog our son caught with his own hands. The time your spouse surprised you with flowers and a night out. Our relationships are what is going to matter. Are we so busy accomplishing things every day that me miss everything else? Life is meant to be experienced friends, not raced through in frantic worry. So stop yourself, slow down, and drink in the sweetness. It's all around you.
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