It all started with the earrings

     It did, I promise.  I stood in front of the mirror and tried putting on a pair of earrings.  Truthfully I haven't worn earrings in years.  You know, several sets of little fingers tugging on ears.  Using an alcohol wipe on the back of my right ear, I was able to push the earring though with little effort.  I could not, for the life of me, no matter what I tried, push the earring though my left ear.  For the last 10 years I have put myself and my own needs behind everyone else.  This year I've been left feeling worn very thin, with not even fumes left to run on.  Now, while we as mothers are called to sacrifice for our families, God also wants us to take care of ourselves.  I struggle with balance because I tend to be an all or nothing kind of person.  This problem with my left ear left me thinking. I definitely was not taking care of myself.  Yes, I know, it's just a closed hole.  I've been thinking about all the other "closed holes" that are in my life.   I have defined myself as wife/mother for so long that I forgot I was me, long before I was either of those things.  It was showing.  My lack of care for myself, and what really brought it to my attention was a little closed hole in my left ear.
     I don't like New Year's resolutions.  Who the heck keeps those things anyway.  I never think in terms of slow progress.  Either everything changes or nothing does.  It's really impossible though, to make a huge list of things you'd like to improve or start and then try and tackle them all at once.  Or I'm famous for forgetting or making mistakes a few times and then throwing everything out the window because I obviously just can't do it or I wouldn't have messed up so often.  Yeah, it's complicated being me.  I know.  However, here we are at the threshold of the New Year.  Closed ear hole and all, just a couple of days before the New Year.
     I really wanted to wear earrings again.  To feel gussied up again, so to speak.  So I went out and had my left ear re-pierced.  It may not be true for everyone, but it makes me feel more feminine.  More me.  It is progress.  A small step toward finding my old self again.  Really, for the first time, I'm happy with small progress.  I guess it's only taken a life filled with ups and downs, joys and disappointments, 13 years of marriage and 4 kids to get it into my stubborn head.  I guess it really all comes down to living life purposely.   So in that spirit of optimism, I'm choosing to make some resolutions this coming year.
I choose Love, I choose Hope, I choose Faith, and I choose Health.  Yes, I know, it sounds like a cop out, to list a bunch of generalizations.  It's not, I assure you.  Usually I get so caught up in the small things I have a hard time seeing the bigger picture.  I'm choosing these things because they are what I need to work toward to become the person God intended me to be.  New Year's resolutions are usually finite goals.  I don't live in a finite world.  My world is big and constantly in motion.  I'm going to work toward the big picture this coming year.  I'm going to let God lead me by the hand, taking small steps if necessary.  I have some pretty high mountains to climb.  For once I don't think they are insurmountable.  Consecrating myself to Mary this December, and all that I have and am belongs to her, to present before Jesus, to use as His will deems fit.  Who knows, perhaps it's Mary spurring this whole new attitude.  Through the simple desire to wear a pair of earrings, I've discovered so much more.  Much love to you, and God Bless you on your journey.


    

Speaking the Language of Virtue with Your Kids

 "A virtue is an habitual and firm disposition to do the
good. It allows the person not only to perform good acts,
but to give the best of himself. The virtuous person tends
toward the good with all his sensory and spiritual powers;
he pursues the good and chooses it in concrete actions."(Catechism of the Catholic Church - 1803)   

     Speaking the language of virtue with our kids makes them more other focused than me focused.  In this season of Advent when we're preparing for the birth of our savior Jesus Christ.  I've really been thinking about virtue and how to impart that on my kids.  I know that we must not just talk the talk, but walk the walk.  I don't think we can get away with one or the other, action always precipitates thought.  Reminding that God gives freely to us, so even if we ourselves have next to nothing, we always have something to give.   The home is the first school of community, what better place to start. 
     We used to learn about people who had strong moral character, now we are flooded with Kim Kardashian and Jersey Shore.  Babies, toddlers, and young children are very self centered, and thank goodness for that.  They need to be to have their needs met.  It's how they learn to trust, individuate and develop into their own little person.  Entering into the preschool years and beyond the language of virtue is so very important.  We are at the ground level of helping to build their characters. 
     Now, this is all coming from the queen of selfishness.  Yes, that would be me.  What, you want water now???  I just sat down to eat my food that is already cold!  Audible sigh, audible sigh, mumble, mumble, mumble.  Sometimes I wonder where I've gone wrong because there is more fighting going on between the kids than between cats and dogs.  Hardly the picture of virtue.  It's crazy isn't it?  To expect perfection from our kids when we're hardly perfect ourselves.  The only perfection we'll achieve, that I know of, is when we are allowed to enter those pearly gates.
     Thank goodness for confession, forgiveness, and most of the time, the chance to make it right.  So when we have kids, we can pretty much be guaranteed to cover the entire gamut of vices and their opposite virtues in a day.  And I'm not just talking about the kids.  So what virtues might we want to impart to our kids.  Well, the list can get extensive but here's a good list to start with.

Humility
Kindness
Forgiveness
Diligence
Charity
Temperance
Chastity 
Sincerity
Perseverance

     So often we hear people say to kids, "So what do you want to be/do when you grow up".  I used to be guilty of this too.  The language of virtue sets a different tone not only with ourselves, but our kids.  It leads us to ask what gifts God has given us?  It leads us to ask what plan does God have for me and the gifts he's given to me?  It leads us to love our neighbor as ourselves.  I think no matter what statistics you hear on the news, kids always look to us as their first and best teachers.  They may not say much as they get older, but believe you me, they sure as heck are watching.  Virtues bring good into a value neutral world.  Give me the virtuous over someone who has "values" any day.
     It starts simple and young.  "Johnny, I know it was so hard for you to give half your cookie to your sister.  I am so proud of you for being so generous and kind."  As our kids get older, the complexity of issues and feelings get bigger.  Values are subjective while virtues are objective.  We want our kids to do and choose the right thing irregardless of their feelings.  There will always come a day when our kids have to choose between doing what is right no matter how humiliating and going along because it's the easier way.  Virtues that have been cultivated over time will help them be able to overcome these challenges.  If they make mistakes, even serious ones, which they are going to do, there are the virtues of humility and forgiveness to heal the wounds.
     We are all works in progress.  I'll probably fail more times than succeed, but I'm going to try my best to speak the language of virtue in my home, and trust God to fill in the gaps.  I'd love to hear your resources and how you've worked to impart virtues in your homes.  Peace be with you and God bless you on this journey.

Beauty Through Your Child's Eyes

     I'm sure we've all heard people say so and so is "living vicariously through their child".  They can live some of the glory of that child's accomplishments.  Saying that about someone has a pretty negative connotation because it's usually the parent pushing the child to live their own unfulfilled dreams.  Today, my daughter attended her first all girls tea party.  Good golly it's all she talked about for days.  We counted down and when this morning finally came she popped up in bed and asked if it was time for her tea party.  I couldn't help but smile and feel such overwhelming joy as she giggled and did silly little girl things while she sampled the yummy treats on her plate and talked to the little girl seated next to her.  I tried to image what was going on in that little head of hers.  There was a little spark in those beautiful hazel eyes.  No matter what happened yesterday, earlier in the day, or what might happen tomorrow, for that moment in time she was joyful and perfectly content.
     When we're young the world is big and fresh.  The smallest things give the greatest joys.  As evidenced by the many calls of the kids constantly clamoring, " Mama look at this, Mama look at that."  It is so easy to let life get heavy.  To let life get cluttered so that we can hardly find the joy in it any more.  The never ending laundry, dishes, driving kids all over God's creation, appointments, work, worry over finances, all kinds of negative circumstances that happen to befall us.  I think such a wonderful lesson can be learned if we look at life as our children do.  They could have had a disappointment or fight with a sibling and hour ago, but most of the time they are able to let it go and take the joy in the moment they are in, and live it to the fullest.
     Let's not hope for joy, let's take joy and own it and live it.  Let's spread it to the people around us.  No matter what, there is always beauty and joy around us.  Sometimes it's a little harder to see or grasp, but it's there nonetheless.  Make the commitment to love anyway, to find the joy anyway, to see the beauty always.  The more you do, the more it will change your life for the better.  Like Corrie Ten Boom said, "Thank God for the fleas!"

When Consecrating Yourself to Mary is so Hard

     On the Solemnity of the Immaculate Conception, December 8th, I finally completed my Consecration to the Immaculate Heart of Mary.  I used 33 Days to Morning Glory by Fr. Michael Gaitley.  It only took about a half dozen times of starting and fizzling out at varying points of preparation, over the last several years.  I didn't want to make the consecration without preparing myself.  I guess I was finally ready.  You wouldn't think it would be so difficult to soak in all that beautiful meditation and make such a seemingly easy commitment to Mary.
     I would always come across this or that mediation and something would just burn inside me and I'd predictably fizzle out of the preparation.  One of the hardest things for me to read and digest was about suffering.  How those individuals who consecrate themselves to Mary often have more crosses, but that Mary makes them light and sweet to carry.  Uh, yeah, like I need MORE suffering and crosses in my life.  Cross = suffering = pain = humiliation = despair = definitely not for me.  Lord, I have enough on my plate thank you very much.  When you have darkness in your soul and life, you don't want to embrace it, you want to escape it, solve it, get rid of it.  For various reasons over the last few years, God has really challenged me, and called me to deepen my trust in him.  Not like I have trust issues or anything...wink....wink.  God as loving Father is a wounded image for me, but in the process of healing.  Something I read in the book spoke to me and really convicted me.  Here's the section, "Mother Teresa began to experience "such terrible darkness" in her soul, "as if everything were dead". At times, it seemed unbearable, she frequently found herself on the brink of despair. After a conversation with a holy priest, she realized that her painful longing was actually a share in the thirst of Jesus: "For the 1st time in 11 years I have come to love the darkness. For I believe now that it is a part, a very, very small part, of Jesus' darkness and pain on earth."  It made me realize that if I am every going to be truly free, I must embrace the crosses that are sent my way.  Mother Teresa experienced darkness to the end of her days, but she embraced it and loved it.  She considered it as a kiss from Jesus on the cross.  Alrighty then, even though I'll fail many times, I'll try to do the same. 
     I also realized in this process just how much of a control freak I am and still want to pridefully tell God what the best way is.  Fr. Gaitley explained how when we consecrate ourselves to Mary, we give her the merit of all our offerings and prayers to use as she see's fit.  That when we die and appear in judgement before God we will appear before Him with empty hands, but with Mary by our side.  So, once again I felt that burning inside me.  You mean to tell me if I offer up a suffering for a particular person, my offerings don't go to the person, but to where Mary assigns the graces are needed the most???  Well, how is that going to help me out?  My biggest problem was that I was assigning human nature to the original sin free nature of Mary.  In the real world, sometimes you're generous, and you don't get back what you give.  Sometimes people make promises and never keep them.  Sometimes, if you don't care for yourself, no one else will.  You might say, well duh, we're talking about the heavenly realm, not the earthly one.  I think we can all admit though, that sometimes we assign the feelings of our human nature to God.  That's why we feel anxiety, fear, trepidation, you name it.  That's why it was hard to trust that Mary would shower graces on my family and those I pray for.  O.k., Mary.  Since you always point to your Son, Jesus, and since your mother's heart is a gazillion times more generous than mine, and since you love me more than I could every know, take my hand and lead me to your Son.  Take what I have, all I am, and I'll trust you to all the heavenly goodness you have to shower on me and those I love.  O.k., so I'll admit it.  I don't have the foresight God has, darn it.  
     It's been a lot of painful growth on my part, and throwing caution to the wind, so to speak.  To have a radical trust, hope, and love in the goodness and mercy of God, through Mary.  I know to some it can seem like a blind trust.  I went into this with eyes wide open, and I think because my eyes and my heart were open I was finally ready to commit to Jesus through Mary.  I pray for your journey as well.