It did, I promise. I stood in front of the mirror and tried putting on a pair of earrings. Truthfully I haven't worn earrings in years. You know, several sets of little fingers tugging on ears. Using an alcohol wipe on the back of my right ear, I was able to push the earring though with little effort. I could not, for the life of me, no matter what I tried, push the earring though my left ear. For the last 10 years I have put myself and my own needs behind everyone else. This year I've been left feeling worn very thin, with not even fumes left to run on. Now, while we as mothers are called to sacrifice for our families, God also wants us to take care of ourselves. I struggle with balance because I tend to be an all or nothing kind of person. This problem with my left ear left me thinking. I definitely was not taking care of myself. Yes, I know, it's just a closed hole. I've been thinking about all the other "closed holes" that are in my life. I have defined myself as wife/mother for so long that I forgot I was me, long before I was either of those things. It was showing. My lack of care for myself, and what really brought it to my attention was a little closed hole in my left ear.
I don't like New Year's resolutions. Who the heck keeps those things anyway. I never think in terms of slow progress. Either everything changes or nothing does. It's really impossible though, to make a huge list of things you'd like to improve or start and then try and tackle them all at once. Or I'm famous for forgetting or making mistakes a few times and then throwing everything out the window because I obviously just can't do it or I wouldn't have messed up so often. Yeah, it's complicated being me. I know. However, here we are at the threshold of the New Year. Closed ear hole and all, just a couple of days before the New Year.
I really wanted to wear earrings again. To feel gussied up again, so to speak. So I went out and had my left ear re-pierced. It may not be true for everyone, but it makes me feel more feminine. More me. It is progress. A small step toward finding my old self again. Really, for the first time, I'm happy with small progress. I guess it's only taken a life filled with ups and downs, joys and disappointments, 13 years of marriage and 4 kids to get it into my stubborn head. I guess it really all comes down to living life purposely. So in that spirit of optimism, I'm choosing to make some resolutions this coming year.
I choose Love, I choose Hope, I choose Faith, and I choose Health. Yes, I know, it sounds like a cop out, to list a bunch of generalizations. It's not, I assure you. Usually I get so caught up in the small things I have a hard time seeing the bigger picture. I'm choosing these things because they are what I need to work toward to become the person God intended me to be. New Year's resolutions are usually finite goals. I don't live in a finite world. My world is big and constantly in motion. I'm going to work toward the big picture this coming year. I'm going to let God lead me by the hand, taking small steps if necessary. I have some pretty high mountains to climb. For once I don't think they are insurmountable. Consecrating myself to Mary this December, and all that I have and am belongs to her, to present before Jesus, to use as His will deems fit. Who knows, perhaps it's Mary spurring this whole new attitude. Through the simple desire to wear a pair of earrings, I've discovered so much more. Much love to you, and God Bless you on your journey.
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