It did, I promise. I stood in front of the mirror and tried putting on a pair of earrings. Truthfully I haven't worn earrings in years. You know, several sets of little fingers tugging on ears. Using an alcohol wipe on the back of my right ear, I was able to push the earring though with little effort. I could not, for the life of me, no matter what I tried, push the earring though my left ear. For the last 10 years I have put myself and my own needs behind everyone else. This year I've been left feeling worn very thin, with not even fumes left to run on. Now, while we as mothers are called to sacrifice for our families, God also wants us to take care of ourselves. I struggle with balance because I tend to be an all or nothing kind of person. This problem with my left ear left me thinking. I definitely was not taking care of myself. Yes, I know, it's just a closed hole. I've been thinking about all the other "closed holes" that are in my life. I have defined myself as wife/mother for so long that I forgot I was me, long before I was either of those things. It was showing. My lack of care for myself, and what really brought it to my attention was a little closed hole in my left ear.
I don't like New Year's resolutions. Who the heck keeps those things anyway. I never think in terms of slow progress. Either everything changes or nothing does. It's really impossible though, to make a huge list of things you'd like to improve or start and then try and tackle them all at once. Or I'm famous for forgetting or making mistakes a few times and then throwing everything out the window because I obviously just can't do it or I wouldn't have messed up so often. Yeah, it's complicated being me. I know. However, here we are at the threshold of the New Year. Closed ear hole and all, just a couple of days before the New Year.
I really wanted to wear earrings again. To feel gussied up again, so to speak. So I went out and had my left ear re-pierced. It may not be true for everyone, but it makes me feel more feminine. More me. It is progress. A small step toward finding my old self again. Really, for the first time, I'm happy with small progress. I guess it's only taken a life filled with ups and downs, joys and disappointments, 13 years of marriage and 4 kids to get it into my stubborn head. I guess it really all comes down to living life purposely. So in that spirit of optimism, I'm choosing to make some resolutions this coming year.
I choose Love, I choose Hope, I choose Faith, and I choose Health. Yes, I know, it sounds like a cop out, to list a bunch of generalizations. It's not, I assure you. Usually I get so caught up in the small things I have a hard time seeing the bigger picture. I'm choosing these things because they are what I need to work toward to become the person God intended me to be. New Year's resolutions are usually finite goals. I don't live in a finite world. My world is big and constantly in motion. I'm going to work toward the big picture this coming year. I'm going to let God lead me by the hand, taking small steps if necessary. I have some pretty high mountains to climb. For once I don't think they are insurmountable. Consecrating myself to Mary this December, and all that I have and am belongs to her, to present before Jesus, to use as His will deems fit. Who knows, perhaps it's Mary spurring this whole new attitude. Through the simple desire to wear a pair of earrings, I've discovered so much more. Much love to you, and God Bless you on your journey.
Monday, December 29, 2014
Tuesday, December 16, 2014
Speaking the Language of Virtue with Your Kids
"A virtue is an habitual and firm disposition to do the
good. It allows the person not only to perform good acts,
but to give the best of himself. The virtuous person tends
toward the good with all his sensory and spiritual powers;
he pursues the good and chooses it in concrete actions."(Catechism of the Catholic Church - 1803)
good. It allows the person not only to perform good acts,
but to give the best of himself. The virtuous person tends
toward the good with all his sensory and spiritual powers;
he pursues the good and chooses it in concrete actions."(Catechism of the Catholic Church - 1803)
Speaking the language of virtue with our kids makes them more other focused than me focused. In this season of Advent when we're preparing for the birth of our savior Jesus Christ. I've really been thinking about virtue and how to impart that on my kids. I know that we must not just talk the talk, but walk the walk. I don't think we can get away with one or the other, action always precipitates thought. Reminding that God gives freely to us, so even if we ourselves have next to nothing, we always have something to give. The home is the first school of community, what better place to start.
We used to learn about people who had strong moral character, now we are flooded with Kim Kardashian and Jersey Shore. Babies, toddlers, and young children are very self centered, and thank goodness for that. They need to be to have their needs met. It's how they learn to trust, individuate and develop into their own little person. Entering into the preschool years and beyond the language of virtue is so very important. We are at the ground level of helping to build their characters.
Now, this is all coming from the queen of selfishness. Yes, that would be me. What, you want water now??? I just sat down to eat my food that is already cold! Audible sigh, audible sigh, mumble, mumble, mumble. Sometimes I wonder where I've gone wrong because there is more fighting going on between the kids than between cats and dogs. Hardly the picture of virtue. It's crazy isn't it? To expect perfection from our kids when we're hardly perfect ourselves. The only perfection we'll achieve, that I know of, is when we are allowed to enter those pearly gates.
Thank goodness for confession, forgiveness, and most of the time, the chance to make it right. So when we have kids, we can pretty much be guaranteed to cover the entire gamut of vices and their opposite virtues in a day. And I'm not just talking about the kids. So what virtues might we want to impart to our kids. Well, the list can get extensive but here's a good list to start with.
Humility
Kindness
Forgiveness
Diligence
Charity
Temperance
Chastity
Sincerity
Perseverance
So often we hear people say to kids, "So what do you want to be/do when you grow up". I used to be guilty of this too. The language of virtue sets a different tone not only with ourselves, but our kids. It leads us to ask what gifts God has given us? It leads us to ask what plan does God have for me and the gifts he's given to me? It leads us to love our neighbor as ourselves. I think no matter what statistics you hear on the news, kids always look to us as their first and best teachers. They may not say much as they get older, but believe you me, they sure as heck are watching. Virtues bring good into a value neutral world. Give me the virtuous over someone who has "values" any day.
It starts simple and young. "Johnny, I know it was so hard for you to give half your cookie to your sister. I am so proud of you for being so generous and kind." As our kids get older, the complexity of issues and feelings get bigger. Values are subjective while virtues are objective. We want our kids to do and choose the right thing irregardless of their feelings. There will always come a day when our kids have to choose between doing what is right no matter how humiliating and going along because it's the easier way. Virtues that have been cultivated over time will help them be able to overcome these challenges. If they make mistakes, even serious ones, which they are going to do, there are the virtues of humility and forgiveness to heal the wounds.
We are all works in progress. I'll probably fail more times than succeed, but I'm going to try my best to speak the language of virtue in my home, and trust God to fill in the gaps. I'd love to hear your resources and how you've worked to impart virtues in your homes. Peace be with you and God bless you on this journey.
Friday, December 12, 2014
Beauty Through Your Child's Eyes
I'm sure we've all heard people say so and so is "living vicariously through their child". They can live some of the glory of that child's accomplishments. Saying that about someone has a pretty negative connotation because it's usually the parent pushing the child to live their own unfulfilled dreams. Today, my daughter attended her first all girls tea party. Good golly it's all she talked about for days. We counted down and when this morning finally came she popped up in bed and asked if it was time for her tea party. I couldn't help but smile and feel such overwhelming joy as she giggled and did silly little girl things while she sampled the yummy treats on her plate and talked to the little girl seated next to her. I tried to image what was going on in that little head of hers. There was a little spark in those beautiful hazel eyes. No matter what happened yesterday, earlier in the day, or what might happen tomorrow, for that moment in time she was joyful and perfectly content.
When we're young the world is big and fresh. The smallest things give the greatest joys. As evidenced by the many calls of the kids constantly clamoring, " Mama look at this, Mama look at that." It is so easy to let life get heavy. To let life get cluttered so that we can hardly find the joy in it any more. The never ending laundry, dishes, driving kids all over God's creation, appointments, work, worry over finances, all kinds of negative circumstances that happen to befall us. I think such a wonderful lesson can be learned if we look at life as our children do. They could have had a disappointment or fight with a sibling and hour ago, but most of the time they are able to let it go and take the joy in the moment they are in, and live it to the fullest.
Let's not hope for joy, let's take joy and own it and live it. Let's spread it to the people around us. No matter what, there is always beauty and joy around us. Sometimes it's a little harder to see or grasp, but it's there nonetheless. Make the commitment to love anyway, to find the joy anyway, to see the beauty always. The more you do, the more it will change your life for the better. Like Corrie Ten Boom said, "Thank God for the fleas!"
When we're young the world is big and fresh. The smallest things give the greatest joys. As evidenced by the many calls of the kids constantly clamoring, " Mama look at this, Mama look at that." It is so easy to let life get heavy. To let life get cluttered so that we can hardly find the joy in it any more. The never ending laundry, dishes, driving kids all over God's creation, appointments, work, worry over finances, all kinds of negative circumstances that happen to befall us. I think such a wonderful lesson can be learned if we look at life as our children do. They could have had a disappointment or fight with a sibling and hour ago, but most of the time they are able to let it go and take the joy in the moment they are in, and live it to the fullest.
Let's not hope for joy, let's take joy and own it and live it. Let's spread it to the people around us. No matter what, there is always beauty and joy around us. Sometimes it's a little harder to see or grasp, but it's there nonetheless. Make the commitment to love anyway, to find the joy anyway, to see the beauty always. The more you do, the more it will change your life for the better. Like Corrie Ten Boom said, "Thank God for the fleas!"
Tuesday, December 9, 2014
When Consecrating Yourself to Mary is so Hard
On the Solemnity of the Immaculate Conception, December 8th, I finally completed my Consecration to the Immaculate Heart of Mary. I used 33 Days to Morning Glory by Fr. Michael Gaitley. It only took about a half dozen times of starting and fizzling out at varying points of preparation, over the last several years. I didn't want to make the consecration without preparing myself. I guess I was finally ready. You wouldn't think it would be so difficult to soak in all that beautiful meditation and make such a seemingly easy commitment to Mary.
I would always come across this or that mediation and something would just burn inside me and I'd predictably fizzle out of the preparation. One of the hardest things for me to read and digest was about suffering. How those individuals who consecrate themselves to Mary often have more crosses, but that Mary makes them light and sweet to carry. Uh, yeah, like I need MORE suffering and crosses in my life. Cross = suffering = pain = humiliation = despair = definitely not for me. Lord, I have enough on my plate thank you very much. When you have darkness in your soul and life, you don't want to embrace it, you want to escape it, solve it, get rid of it. For various reasons over the last few years, God has really challenged me, and called me to deepen my trust in him. Not like I have trust issues or anything...wink....wink. God as loving Father is a wounded image for me, but in the process of healing. Something I read in the book spoke to me and really convicted me. Here's the section, "Mother Teresa began to experience "such terrible darkness" in her soul, "as if everything were dead". At times, it seemed unbearable, she frequently found herself on the brink of despair. After a conversation with a holy priest, she realized that her painful longing was actually a share in the thirst of Jesus: "For the 1st time in 11 years I have come to love the darkness. For I believe now that it is a part, a very, very small part, of Jesus' darkness and pain on earth." It made me realize that if I am every going to be truly free, I must embrace the crosses that are sent my way. Mother Teresa experienced darkness to the end of her days, but she embraced it and loved it. She considered it as a kiss from Jesus on the cross. Alrighty then, even though I'll fail many times, I'll try to do the same.
I also realized in this process just how much of a control freak I am and still want to pridefully tell God what the best way is. Fr. Gaitley explained how when we consecrate ourselves to Mary, we give her the merit of all our offerings and prayers to use as she see's fit. That when we die and appear in judgement before God we will appear before Him with empty hands, but with Mary by our side. So, once again I felt that burning inside me. You mean to tell me if I offer up a suffering for a particular person, my offerings don't go to the person, but to where Mary assigns the graces are needed the most??? Well, how is that going to help me out? My biggest problem was that I was assigning human nature to the original sin free nature of Mary. In the real world, sometimes you're generous, and you don't get back what you give. Sometimes people make promises and never keep them. Sometimes, if you don't care for yourself, no one else will. You might say, well duh, we're talking about the heavenly realm, not the earthly one. I think we can all admit though, that sometimes we assign the feelings of our human nature to God. That's why we feel anxiety, fear, trepidation, you name it. That's why it was hard to trust that Mary would shower graces on my family and those I pray for. O.k., Mary. Since you always point to your Son, Jesus, and since your mother's heart is a gazillion times more generous than mine, and since you love me more than I could every know, take my hand and lead me to your Son. Take what I have, all I am, and I'll trust you to all the heavenly goodness you have to shower on me and those I love. O.k., so I'll admit it. I don't have the foresight God has, darn it.
It's been a lot of painful growth on my part, and throwing caution to the wind, so to speak. To have a radical trust, hope, and love in the goodness and mercy of God, through Mary. I know to some it can seem like a blind trust. I went into this with eyes wide open, and I think because my eyes and my heart were open I was finally ready to commit to Jesus through Mary. I pray for your journey as well.
I would always come across this or that mediation and something would just burn inside me and I'd predictably fizzle out of the preparation. One of the hardest things for me to read and digest was about suffering. How those individuals who consecrate themselves to Mary often have more crosses, but that Mary makes them light and sweet to carry. Uh, yeah, like I need MORE suffering and crosses in my life. Cross = suffering = pain = humiliation = despair = definitely not for me. Lord, I have enough on my plate thank you very much. When you have darkness in your soul and life, you don't want to embrace it, you want to escape it, solve it, get rid of it. For various reasons over the last few years, God has really challenged me, and called me to deepen my trust in him. Not like I have trust issues or anything...wink....wink. God as loving Father is a wounded image for me, but in the process of healing. Something I read in the book spoke to me and really convicted me. Here's the section, "Mother Teresa began to experience "such terrible darkness" in her soul, "as if everything were dead". At times, it seemed unbearable, she frequently found herself on the brink of despair. After a conversation with a holy priest, she realized that her painful longing was actually a share in the thirst of Jesus: "For the 1st time in 11 years I have come to love the darkness. For I believe now that it is a part, a very, very small part, of Jesus' darkness and pain on earth." It made me realize that if I am every going to be truly free, I must embrace the crosses that are sent my way. Mother Teresa experienced darkness to the end of her days, but she embraced it and loved it. She considered it as a kiss from Jesus on the cross. Alrighty then, even though I'll fail many times, I'll try to do the same.
I also realized in this process just how much of a control freak I am and still want to pridefully tell God what the best way is. Fr. Gaitley explained how when we consecrate ourselves to Mary, we give her the merit of all our offerings and prayers to use as she see's fit. That when we die and appear in judgement before God we will appear before Him with empty hands, but with Mary by our side. So, once again I felt that burning inside me. You mean to tell me if I offer up a suffering for a particular person, my offerings don't go to the person, but to where Mary assigns the graces are needed the most??? Well, how is that going to help me out? My biggest problem was that I was assigning human nature to the original sin free nature of Mary. In the real world, sometimes you're generous, and you don't get back what you give. Sometimes people make promises and never keep them. Sometimes, if you don't care for yourself, no one else will. You might say, well duh, we're talking about the heavenly realm, not the earthly one. I think we can all admit though, that sometimes we assign the feelings of our human nature to God. That's why we feel anxiety, fear, trepidation, you name it. That's why it was hard to trust that Mary would shower graces on my family and those I pray for. O.k., Mary. Since you always point to your Son, Jesus, and since your mother's heart is a gazillion times more generous than mine, and since you love me more than I could every know, take my hand and lead me to your Son. Take what I have, all I am, and I'll trust you to all the heavenly goodness you have to shower on me and those I love. O.k., so I'll admit it. I don't have the foresight God has, darn it.
It's been a lot of painful growth on my part, and throwing caution to the wind, so to speak. To have a radical trust, hope, and love in the goodness and mercy of God, through Mary. I know to some it can seem like a blind trust. I went into this with eyes wide open, and I think because my eyes and my heart were open I was finally ready to commit to Jesus through Mary. I pray for your journey as well.
Friday, November 14, 2014
Ten Reasons Marriage Is The Best No Matter What
Last in the 3 part series on the vocational crisis of marriage. Life is hard sometimes. It just is. Life is also good and beautiful and full. So no matter the state of any one person's marriage, terrific or hurting, marriage is the best no matter what. Not to disparage living singly in the world or the religious life. All vocations are good, but, being a married woman, I'm of course partial. So without further blathering.....
# 10} You live longer. Yep, seriously. Ok, it's not totally understood why, but married people tend to live longer on average. Particularly men, who might live on average an extra seven years. Ladies, you might add an extra 3 years. Could it be the long lost fountain of youth?
#9} You're happier. The roller coaster of dating is pretty stressful at times. Marriage gives a calmer, more stable love, rather than the stressful infatuation that often accompanies dating.
#8} You're less likely to suffer from depression and mental health problems. It's true. There's some strong links to the increased love and joy in married life and the decrease of mental health issues.
#7} You'll likely have lower stress levels. Super high stress can increase blood pressure. Some studies have found that those who are happily married have lower levels of stress which leads to better blood pressure.
#6} Does suffering fewer illnesses and fewer doctor visits sound good to you? Happily married people have higher levels of antibodies in their blood. The loving relationship created in marriage seems to boost the immune system. Cool, huh?!?
#5} Sex. Ok, you knew this had to be in here somewhere. Marital sex helps bond a couple together and build trust. Sex reduces stress, increases self esteem, and floods the body with oxytocin. The two become one flesh, literally. What could be more beautiful and holy!
#4} Marriage decreases the likelihood of domestic violence. Yes, there are always exceptions, but domestic violence is about 10% higher in cohabitating couples vs married couples. Married men tend to have lower levels of testosterone which tends to reduce risky, aggressive behavior as well as infidelity.
#3) The Church teaches that marriage "helps to overcome self absorption, egoism, pursuit of one's own pleasure, and to open oneself to the other, to mutual aid and to self giving" (Catechism of the Catholic Church #1609) So, in marriage, good is ordered not only toward the children of the marriage, society, but to the married persons themselves.
#2} Marriage models the Trinity. Yes! "Like the Persons of the Trinity, marriage is a communion of love between co-equal persons, beginning with that between husband and wife and then extending to all members of the family...Just as the Trinity of persons is a life-giving communion of live both in relationship to one another and to the whole of creation, so a married couple shares in this life-giving communion of love by together procreating children in the conjugal act of love" pgs 36-37 USCCB’s pastoral letter entitled, “Marriage – Love and Life in the Divine Plan” What could be more beautiful. Marriage in particularly encourages better relationships between parents and children. Especially between fathers and their children.
#1} It just is. No matter how loving or how desperate the marriage. God loves you and your spouse equally. No matter what, and thank goodness for that. In marriage, we have a wonderful purpose in life. To participate in saint making and heaven going. By our self sacrificial love, we become the face of Christ to our spouse and to our children. Children being on of the best parts of marriage. Who couldn't love those little monkeys.
So to leave you with profound funny......
# 10} You live longer. Yep, seriously. Ok, it's not totally understood why, but married people tend to live longer on average. Particularly men, who might live on average an extra seven years. Ladies, you might add an extra 3 years. Could it be the long lost fountain of youth?
#9} You're happier. The roller coaster of dating is pretty stressful at times. Marriage gives a calmer, more stable love, rather than the stressful infatuation that often accompanies dating.
#8} You're less likely to suffer from depression and mental health problems. It's true. There's some strong links to the increased love and joy in married life and the decrease of mental health issues.
#7} You'll likely have lower stress levels. Super high stress can increase blood pressure. Some studies have found that those who are happily married have lower levels of stress which leads to better blood pressure.
#6} Does suffering fewer illnesses and fewer doctor visits sound good to you? Happily married people have higher levels of antibodies in their blood. The loving relationship created in marriage seems to boost the immune system. Cool, huh?!?
#5} Sex. Ok, you knew this had to be in here somewhere. Marital sex helps bond a couple together and build trust. Sex reduces stress, increases self esteem, and floods the body with oxytocin. The two become one flesh, literally. What could be more beautiful and holy!
#4} Marriage decreases the likelihood of domestic violence. Yes, there are always exceptions, but domestic violence is about 10% higher in cohabitating couples vs married couples. Married men tend to have lower levels of testosterone which tends to reduce risky, aggressive behavior as well as infidelity.
#3) The Church teaches that marriage "helps to overcome self absorption, egoism, pursuit of one's own pleasure, and to open oneself to the other, to mutual aid and to self giving" (Catechism of the Catholic Church #1609) So, in marriage, good is ordered not only toward the children of the marriage, society, but to the married persons themselves.
#2} Marriage models the Trinity. Yes! "Like the Persons of the Trinity, marriage is a communion of love between co-equal persons, beginning with that between husband and wife and then extending to all members of the family...Just as the Trinity of persons is a life-giving communion of live both in relationship to one another and to the whole of creation, so a married couple shares in this life-giving communion of love by together procreating children in the conjugal act of love" pgs 36-37 USCCB’s pastoral letter entitled, “Marriage – Love and Life in the Divine Plan” What could be more beautiful. Marriage in particularly encourages better relationships between parents and children. Especially between fathers and their children.
#1} It just is. No matter how loving or how desperate the marriage. God loves you and your spouse equally. No matter what, and thank goodness for that. In marriage, we have a wonderful purpose in life. To participate in saint making and heaven going. By our self sacrificial love, we become the face of Christ to our spouse and to our children. Children being on of the best parts of marriage. Who couldn't love those little monkeys.
So to leave you with profound funny......
Created by
Angela2041003
.
Thursday, October 30, 2014
The Abscence of Hope
Depression and chronic pain. Sometimes you'll see it written on my face, sometimes you won't. Most often not. Not because I am especially strong. In fact, I'm pretty wimpy. Wimpy and whiny. Without even realizing it, I'm living God's will in my life, at this moment. Don't ask me what plans he has, certainly they were not mine. I don't fight the pain much anymore. It ebbs and flows and I ebb and flow with it. I used to fight the pain. That tendency is still there. The tendency to give up hope. To fight the pain as I turn round and round in my head asking myself why is this happening? The tendency to give nothing of yourself because what little you have you guard like a thief. I HATE, and I mean HATE when I hear people say, "well who am I to judge or who are we to judge". Moral relativism, what I think is right and true for me is, there is no objective truth, only the subjective reality of my own hearts desires, fears, pleasures.
A rose is so beautiful. A rose though, has thorns, and those thorns can cause pain if they prick the skin. But, if we want the rose, we have to take the flower with the thorns, the beauty with the pain. Yes, I'm aware it seems like a cavalier attitude. It is an attitude forged in the fire. Tempered by constant heating and cooling. A person with a chronic illness, or a terminal illness, or a mental illness is suffering. Mentally, physically, emotionally suffering. Sometimes terrifically so. If we aren't careful we can start to identify ourselves as our illness. When we identify ourselves as our illness all we see is fear. We need all remember that what illness a person is suffering from is an it, a thing, it is not that person. It is a beast that will consume not just your body but your soul if we let it. “Suffering can bend and break us. But it can also break us open to become the persons God intended us to be. It depends on what we do with the pain. If we offer it back to God, he will use it to do great things in us and through us, because suffering is fertile.” Charles Chaput
As crazy as it sounds. Suffering is the very fertile ground needed for love and hope to grow. The definition of Hope is to expect with confidence. What do we expect? I expect in my nothingness that God's fullness is shown. I know the world looks different for those who don't have Christ at their center. I know it, and it saddens me. A person devoid of hope has no joy. No one wants to suffer. No one goes looking for it. No one wants to see someone they love suffer. Ever. That suffering calls at you though doesn't it. It begs you to call them and comfort them. It begs you to sit by their bedside and try to ease their pain. It begs you to stretch your heart more than you would if everything was ok. It begs your prayers for them and their family, showering them with graces that wouldn't be there otherwise. It begs you to serve the other. It compels you. That is the value in suffering. If compels you to serve Christ by serving the one you love. When we suffer we participate in the salvation of those around us. Christ saved us by giving meaning to suffering. It's an exercise in trust, and love in our Creator to offer that suffering for others. For God's grace to flow through our pain.
That is the essence of hope, and that is what is missing when there is an absence of it.
A rose is so beautiful. A rose though, has thorns, and those thorns can cause pain if they prick the skin. But, if we want the rose, we have to take the flower with the thorns, the beauty with the pain. Yes, I'm aware it seems like a cavalier attitude. It is an attitude forged in the fire. Tempered by constant heating and cooling. A person with a chronic illness, or a terminal illness, or a mental illness is suffering. Mentally, physically, emotionally suffering. Sometimes terrifically so. If we aren't careful we can start to identify ourselves as our illness. When we identify ourselves as our illness all we see is fear. We need all remember that what illness a person is suffering from is an it, a thing, it is not that person. It is a beast that will consume not just your body but your soul if we let it. “Suffering can bend and break us. But it can also break us open to become the persons God intended us to be. It depends on what we do with the pain. If we offer it back to God, he will use it to do great things in us and through us, because suffering is fertile.” Charles Chaput
As crazy as it sounds. Suffering is the very fertile ground needed for love and hope to grow. The definition of Hope is to expect with confidence. What do we expect? I expect in my nothingness that God's fullness is shown. I know the world looks different for those who don't have Christ at their center. I know it, and it saddens me. A person devoid of hope has no joy. No one wants to suffer. No one goes looking for it. No one wants to see someone they love suffer. Ever. That suffering calls at you though doesn't it. It begs you to call them and comfort them. It begs you to sit by their bedside and try to ease their pain. It begs you to stretch your heart more than you would if everything was ok. It begs your prayers for them and their family, showering them with graces that wouldn't be there otherwise. It begs you to serve the other. It compels you. That is the value in suffering. If compels you to serve Christ by serving the one you love. When we suffer we participate in the salvation of those around us. Christ saved us by giving meaning to suffering. It's an exercise in trust, and love in our Creator to offer that suffering for others. For God's grace to flow through our pain.
That is the essence of hope, and that is what is missing when there is an absence of it.
Monday, October 6, 2014
People are Basically Good and the World is Basically Safe.....Except when they aren't
No matter what is going on in the world or what jerks or crazies are out there, I really and truly believe people are basically good and the world is basically a safe, wonderful place to be. Except when it isn't. Sometimes people have bad intentions or are downright evil. Sometimes the world around us is safe and beautiful and we are perfectly at ease. Sometimes, even places you think should be safe can hold untold danger. No matter what, we can't live in a bubble or in a perpetual state of fear.
Fear is such a primal state. It serves a purpose by causing a fight or flight response. Fear, however, is not a place we're meant to live. Mostly because it is such a powerful emotion. Fear involves not only the now, but the what if's of the future. It denies there is hope, and goodness. Recently, my family experienced a trauma. As a parent, we wear our hearts on the outside of our bodies in the funny little shapes of our children. When something happens, it is not as if it is happening to us, it is happening to us. They are flesh of our flesh.
It was one of those parenting moments when one of our children moves out of eyesight for truly what is a split second. We call their name, no response. We rapidly turn our heads like an owl, only not to see them. We think we must know where they've gone, but when we look there, our hearts pound when they are not in sight. Panic sets in. A crazy mix of fear and anger start to take hold the more frantic you become. Did you know that 800,000 children go missing per year? Have you ever glanced at the flyers on your way out of Walmart? This girl, gone missing at 2, this is what she'd look like today, 10 years later. You think how horrible it must be for that family, as you look at your own child and continue your way out the door.
Well, it happened to me. Don't worry, there's a happy ending. Hand in hand the man who had our child walked. He walked into a back deserted parking lot at a local festival. Already a good way into the lot, my husband caught up with him and laid him out. He saved our precious child. A child young enough to not know what was awaiting them. Me, old enough to know what was going to happen. "I promise you won't get hurt if you don't tell on me", echoed out of my baby's mouth, in a tiny voice, that just didn't get the heavy weight of those words. Home. Getting back home, with our children, into safety, was all I could think about. You know, and maybe lock the doors because I had already lost one of them once that day. To control the bits and pieces of life around me in some vain attempt to stop this out of control feeling. Sleep. I needed sleep.
The next day I woke feeling as if I had been hit by a truck. The flu? No, I didn't have a fever. One of my fibromyalgia flare ups? No. I realized as I sat in bed, it was fear trapped in my body. Fear had served its purpose, but I wasn't letting it go. The fear of having almost lost my child had served its purpose, but the fear was poisoning my body now. Have you ever had daymares. Where you are daydreaming, but it is all bad, just really bad. The daymare where I was called into the morgue to identify my child. Yes, I have a degree is stress, with a minor in wallowing in it, and am working hard on my masters in the worst what if's possible.
You know, there is always reason to hope. I did not lose my child, but if I had, I would have had to celebrate their short life. Thankful that I had the honor of being their mother. Mostly importantly because each and every one of us is unique and had a very special purpose on this earth. The world would be so very different if you or I didn't exist. I've experienced a lot of death in my life. Enough, that I should be spiraled down into a despair so deep not even God could release me. We humans are resilient. Remarkably so. We have that spark of divine life in us. We have the cross, but we also have the resurrection. To know, that no matter how dark the night, there is the coming dawn. It's ok. I can bare pain, all types of pain, and still be ok. I can trust that God can and does bring good out of the worst most horrific situation.
I can. I can trust. I can trust God. I can trust that God loves me as his own precious child. He hurts when I hurt. He sheds tears when I shed tears. Oh the tears I shed! We must love, cherish, appreciate, and experience. The good and the bad. We must not fear the bad. We must not fear that the bottom will drop out of our goodness. This life of ours is about seasons and changes. The reality is that this life is sometimes hard, heartless, painful and cruel. The purpose of this life is to live. Live hope, live love, live to give comfort, live as Christ in this world. In light of the cross, suffering makes sense, without it suffering is overwhelming and something to fear. We can't choose the things that happen to us, but we can choose how we react to them.
In that moment when I was sitting on the bed I chose to not let the fear of losing my child rule over me. We could go crazy asking why. Why is this happening? Sometimes we have to choose to say I don't understand, there is no sense to this, then keep moving forward, even amidst the fear. Jesus I Trust in You. I trust. I trust. And it's true. No matter what, I really believe that people are basically good and well meaning. This world really is a beautiful place to live. I'm not going to miss all the goodness and love in this world by giving pain and suffering their improper due.
I believe, because I know the world is full of people like me, and the people that aren't are aberrations. I'm not a fool, I know things could have turned out differently. What I am in is not a state of denial. Why some children have to suffer that fate and mine didn't is difficult to wrap my head around. Even as the next day came and we headed out into the world, I knew it would be ok. I'm not glad this happened, who would be. However, I do know we'll all come out stronger on the other side, no matter what the outcome would have been. We're still suffering lingering effects of that day, but we will heal from them. We will heal, and we will continue living this beautiful life.
Fear is such a primal state. It serves a purpose by causing a fight or flight response. Fear, however, is not a place we're meant to live. Mostly because it is such a powerful emotion. Fear involves not only the now, but the what if's of the future. It denies there is hope, and goodness. Recently, my family experienced a trauma. As a parent, we wear our hearts on the outside of our bodies in the funny little shapes of our children. When something happens, it is not as if it is happening to us, it is happening to us. They are flesh of our flesh.
It was one of those parenting moments when one of our children moves out of eyesight for truly what is a split second. We call their name, no response. We rapidly turn our heads like an owl, only not to see them. We think we must know where they've gone, but when we look there, our hearts pound when they are not in sight. Panic sets in. A crazy mix of fear and anger start to take hold the more frantic you become. Did you know that 800,000 children go missing per year? Have you ever glanced at the flyers on your way out of Walmart? This girl, gone missing at 2, this is what she'd look like today, 10 years later. You think how horrible it must be for that family, as you look at your own child and continue your way out the door.
Well, it happened to me. Don't worry, there's a happy ending. Hand in hand the man who had our child walked. He walked into a back deserted parking lot at a local festival. Already a good way into the lot, my husband caught up with him and laid him out. He saved our precious child. A child young enough to not know what was awaiting them. Me, old enough to know what was going to happen. "I promise you won't get hurt if you don't tell on me", echoed out of my baby's mouth, in a tiny voice, that just didn't get the heavy weight of those words. Home. Getting back home, with our children, into safety, was all I could think about. You know, and maybe lock the doors because I had already lost one of them once that day. To control the bits and pieces of life around me in some vain attempt to stop this out of control feeling. Sleep. I needed sleep.
The next day I woke feeling as if I had been hit by a truck. The flu? No, I didn't have a fever. One of my fibromyalgia flare ups? No. I realized as I sat in bed, it was fear trapped in my body. Fear had served its purpose, but I wasn't letting it go. The fear of having almost lost my child had served its purpose, but the fear was poisoning my body now. Have you ever had daymares. Where you are daydreaming, but it is all bad, just really bad. The daymare where I was called into the morgue to identify my child. Yes, I have a degree is stress, with a minor in wallowing in it, and am working hard on my masters in the worst what if's possible.
You know, there is always reason to hope. I did not lose my child, but if I had, I would have had to celebrate their short life. Thankful that I had the honor of being their mother. Mostly importantly because each and every one of us is unique and had a very special purpose on this earth. The world would be so very different if you or I didn't exist. I've experienced a lot of death in my life. Enough, that I should be spiraled down into a despair so deep not even God could release me. We humans are resilient. Remarkably so. We have that spark of divine life in us. We have the cross, but we also have the resurrection. To know, that no matter how dark the night, there is the coming dawn. It's ok. I can bare pain, all types of pain, and still be ok. I can trust that God can and does bring good out of the worst most horrific situation.
I can. I can trust. I can trust God. I can trust that God loves me as his own precious child. He hurts when I hurt. He sheds tears when I shed tears. Oh the tears I shed! We must love, cherish, appreciate, and experience. The good and the bad. We must not fear the bad. We must not fear that the bottom will drop out of our goodness. This life of ours is about seasons and changes. The reality is that this life is sometimes hard, heartless, painful and cruel. The purpose of this life is to live. Live hope, live love, live to give comfort, live as Christ in this world. In light of the cross, suffering makes sense, without it suffering is overwhelming and something to fear. We can't choose the things that happen to us, but we can choose how we react to them.
In that moment when I was sitting on the bed I chose to not let the fear of losing my child rule over me. We could go crazy asking why. Why is this happening? Sometimes we have to choose to say I don't understand, there is no sense to this, then keep moving forward, even amidst the fear. Jesus I Trust in You. I trust. I trust. And it's true. No matter what, I really believe that people are basically good and well meaning. This world really is a beautiful place to live. I'm not going to miss all the goodness and love in this world by giving pain and suffering their improper due.
I believe, because I know the world is full of people like me, and the people that aren't are aberrations. I'm not a fool, I know things could have turned out differently. What I am in is not a state of denial. Why some children have to suffer that fate and mine didn't is difficult to wrap my head around. Even as the next day came and we headed out into the world, I knew it would be ok. I'm not glad this happened, who would be. However, I do know we'll all come out stronger on the other side, no matter what the outcome would have been. We're still suffering lingering effects of that day, but we will heal from them. We will heal, and we will continue living this beautiful life.
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